


Secrets Kept

by death_proof



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26493235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/death_proof/pseuds/death_proof
Summary: Azula is good at keeping secrets…She doesn’t tell Zuko that the Water Tribe girl comes to visit her.She doesn’t tell Mai how the girl's face burns red when she’s asked about Zuko.Azula is good at keeping secrets…She doesn’t tell anyone about how she can bust through the lock of her cell, sneak past the guards and disappear into the night.Azula is good at keeping secrets…She didn’t tell Zuzu she might know where Mother is, but she’s hoping he’ll follow her anyway.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 103





	1. One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?  
> Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.'
> 
> \- Emery Allen, Become.

Katara dreams of blinding lightning, of energy being sucked out of the air, of getting to Zuko too late. 

She dreams of burning skin and hollow eyes. 

Katara dreams of blue agony ripping from the chained girl, fire gushing from her cries as she fights with herself. 

Katara dreams of Azula. 

She doesn’t wake with a yell anymore, instead it’s a sharp intake of breath as she opens her eyes, exhaling slowly as she closes them again. Sweat slides down her temple and loose strands of hair stick to her skin. The Fire Nation summer surrounds her. But it doesn’t bother her as much as she thought it would, the palace is made of high ceilings and tiled floors, keeping the heat at bay and her dreams encased in her room.

**__________________________________**

It's been a few weeks since the end of the war, a few weeks since Zuko had become Fire Lord. 

After the Agni Kai, Zuko and Katara had waited for news of Aang as the rest of the nation flurried around them. Zuko had given one order - stand down, retreat, await further instructions - before he collapsed, Katara's healing hands glowing on his torso. 

A day passed. 

Then another. 

Then,  _ finally _ , a messenger hawk landed, everyone was safe, everyone was alive. 

"You should go." Zuko had said one day as Katara's fingers lingered on the star shape wound on his chest. 

She shook her head, she knew her voice would give away how badly she wanted to go, how badly she wanted to see with her own eyes that they were okay.

"They'll be here soon." She said, not meeting his gaze. 

She wondered if Sozin's comet had changed them the way it had changed her. She wondered if it had also burnt away any innocence they had left, like it had left her full of ash. 

The day before Zuko's coronation Katara sprinted across the front entrance of the palace as Appa landed just inside the gates. She reached her family just as they hit the ground, she didn't even wait as she scaled the sky bison and flung herself at Sokka, slowing momentarily to stay away from his still healing leg. They were a tangle of limbs and tears as they clung to each other, gasping for breath. 

"You're here." She breathed, making memory of how he smelt like sea water and smoke. 

"You need me," he replied, pulling her away to look at her. "And I will never turn my back on you." He repeated words from what seemed like a lifetime ago. 

The group huddled together on the saddle, tears and laughter as they all breathed a collective sigh of relief. 

They were alive. 

They had survived. 

**__________________________________**

Zuko dreams of running. He dreams of falling just as the streak of blue energy slips over him and hits it's target. 

He dreams of the sound of dead weight hitting the ground behind him and the malice laughter from his sister. 

Zuko dreams of Katara. 

Zuko wakes with a snort, falling forward from his sitting position, catching himself before his face hits his desk. 

He didn't mean to fall asleep. 

The dreams he had before the day of Black Sun were bad enough, they eased as the Gaang accepted him and disappeared completely when Katara had forgiven him. But the urge to see through the night followed him back home and he hadn't realised the nightmares had come back until it was too late.

**__________________________________**

It had been months since the end of the war. Zuko thought his friends would leave, go back to their lives before the war, before they were forced to grow up. But they stayed, they linger in this in between, not wanting to be apart but not sure what to do next. 

It's Katara who suggests they go visit Iroh in Ba Sing Se. He left a few months ago after he was sure Zuko would be able to handle things without him. Zuko wouldn't admit it out loud but his heart ached to see his Uncle again. 

"What do you think?" Katara asked, he looked up from the scrolls sitting next to his breakfast to meet her gaze. "Do you think you'll be able to come?" She looked hopeful and Zuko didn't want to disappoint her. 

He looked back at his scrolls and frowned, surely his advisors would be able to handle things for a few days. The aftermath of the war would continue for years as the Fire Nation rebuilt and repaid the other nations, but for the most part things were… settled. 

A few days later they were in the sky again. The anxiety Zuko had about leaving had almost vanished as the cool wind hit his face. He watched with amusement as Mai looked down at the passing earth with wonder and disbelief. She hasn't been happy lately, Zuko knows, he knows it's mostly his fault too, but he has a nation to run, things just slip through the cracks. 

But he still feels guilty and he wonders if he'll ever give Mai what she wants, what she needs from him. He's not the same person anymore, he died and was reborn so many times over the last three years and he wasn't sure Mai had noticed. He was a stranger even to himself, how could she possibly know him? 

He looked up and met Katara's eyes. She smiled softly at him, her face mirroring the look he gives her whenever she starts drowning in her own thoughts. 

They swear the other can read their mind. 

**__________________________________**

  
  


They laughed at Sokka's attempt to capture them in a painting. 

"Well I think you all look perfect!" Toph exclaimed. 

Katara notices Aang walking out onto the balcony, she thinks about leaving him alone, she thinks about going out there and telling him everything that she'd been feeling the past few weeks, the overwhelming relief coupled with the overwhelming emptiness. 

What now? 

She does follow him, they look out over the upper ring in silence, neither one knowing the right thing to say. 

Katara breaks the silence first. "I'm so proud of you, Aang." She doesn't bother to meet his gaze. 

"Katara, I -" He struggles for the right words. "I just needed to say l- …" 

Aang is interrupted by a crash and Momo's clicking voice as he flies onto his shoulder, a paint brush in his mouth. Sokka is not far behind, calling out to the lemur. 

Katara flees back into the safety of the tea shop, relief washes over her that is quickly replaced with guilt. She knew what Aang wanted to say, she had played this moment over in her mind since Ember Island.

She couldn't quite pin down her hesitation. After everything shouldn't this be the way of things? Loving Aang the way he loved her should feel right. But nothing felt right. 

Not any more. 

She's a stranger in her own body.

**__________________________________**

Zuko stands in the doorway of the tea shop and watches the sun rise. He feels his inner fire roam through his veins, heating his body. Iroh hands him two cups of tea, he looks at his uncle questioningly. But without a word Iroh smirks and moves away making room for Katara as she walks over to him, her hair still a little ruffled with sleep. 

Zuko feels the side of his lip pull up in a lopsided smile, one that only Katara seems to coax from him. 

"You're up early?" He hands her the tea, their fingers lightly brushing and Zuko feels his cheeks burn slightly from the contact. 

Katara looks out into the rising sun, the soft light highlights her delicate features, the roundness of youth had melted away long ago. 

Because she tells Zuko everything, she tells him about her dreams. 

"I have nightmares." She said softly, almost like a sigh. "Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning, like I can't catch my breath until I see you - all of you - in the same room, together." 

Zuko nods, he understands. "To make sure we're alive." He says solemnly. 

Nothing more needs to be said. They watch the sun rise up over Ba Sing Se, comfortable in each other's company. 

Behind them Iroh stops what he's doing and watches the two teenagers. He smiles softly, grateful the spirits had brought them together. Grateful they all made it through this war. But he is sad too, the scars of war are red and raw. They had grown up and hardened too fast, seen terrors no child should have to see. 

Children shouldn't be fighting in an old man's war. 

**__________________________________**

Azula dreams of silky black hair, soft hands holding hers and the smell of fire lilies. 

She dreams of the turtle duck pond on the palace grounds and the warmth of the sun as it hits her face. 

Azula dreams of softly spoken words and stories passed down through generations. She dreams of a life that she had lived but one she doesn’t recognize.

Azula dreams of her mother. 

She awoken by the sound of metal hitting the bars of her cell. “Breakfast.” A gruff voice calls as something is placed just outside of her reach, it slides along the ground with a splintering groan. 

Her body is cold and rigid as she stretches out on the hard floor, when she knows she’s alone again she crawls out from under the small bed in the corner of her cell. 

Azula closes her eyes as she tries to hold onto her dream, if she clenches them closed tight enough she thinks she can make out the face of the woman who invaded them. 

Who was she again?

Azula can feel it right on the tip of her tongue, the memory fighting hard against the madness threatening to take over her mind but it slips away and she can feel her eyes glossing over as she stares out into the empty hallway.

**__________________________________**

Katara stands at the gates leading to the prison, hot air whips her hair around her face as she builds up the courage to enter the looming building. 

_ ‘This is a bad idea…”  _ She thinks to herself as she starts for the doors. 

Zuko had all but spat his tea in her face with shock when she mentioned it to him.

_ “Absolutely not, Katara!”  _ He’d coughed.  _ “Azula is dangerous, she can’t be trusted!”  _

But Katara was dangerous too. Had she not single handily captured Azula? Did Zuko forget what she could do, what he had  _ seen  _ her do? 

She shook her head against the dark thoughts threatening to take over her mind and pushed her way into the darkness of the prison. Once the notion was in her head Katara couldn’t let it go, she needed to  _ see  _ Azula and for some reason she wanted to make sure she was okay. Spending time with Mai and Ty Lee in Ba Sin Se had shone a light onto the Princess that Katara couldn’t see past and once Sokka had asked Zuko what had happened after that fearful night in the crystal catacombs it became so painstakingly obvious to Katara that Azula was just a sad, scared teenager. 

Just like her. 

Katara is met with a friendly face and even in the cool confines of the prison, with no water in sight, save the water skin strapped to her hip, she relaxes. 

“Master Katara?” Ming is surprised to see her, but she bows quickly and smiles softly. “Fire Lord Zuko didn’t send word you were coming.”

Heat rushes up the back of Katara's neck. “He - uh, actually doesn’t know I’m here.” She confesses. “I wanted to see the Princess.” Katara squares her shoulders, hoping her request sounds more like an order. 

Ming looks confused as she chooses her next words carefully. “The Fire Lord gave strict orders, Master Katara. No one is allowed to see Azula or Ozai without his presents.” But still she turns on her heel and leads Katara down a hallway and ascends down a set of stairs. “But this can be our secret.” She says as she disappears down into the darkness. 

The sun is hidden away from this corner of the prison, only the darkness and cool stale air keeps Katara company as Ming leads her to a door. A perfect place to keep a prodigy firebender locked up, she thinks to herself. 

“She’s through there.” Ming points to the door on the left. “She’s given a chi blocking tea every day so she won’t be able to bend at you, but I would still be careful. She might seem like she’s not all there but some days she is more like her old self.” Ming turns to look at Katara. “You can’t always tell until it’s too late. Don’t let her suck you in.” 

Katara nodded, her nerves making it too hard to form words. Before she could talk herself out of it she pushed open the door. The room was small, lit by lanterns that didn’t give off the light of fire, a soft glow illuminating the bars that stood between her and Azula. She struggled to find the girl in eerie light, curled up in a ball by the bed was Azula, her hair falling over her face as she breathed deeply, almost like she was meditating.

“Azula?” Katara’s voice broke through the silence. 

The Princesses head snapped up in surprise. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it. My first fanficiton. I wanted to the first chapter to kind of set up some things, because obviously I slightly changed the ending of the show, but I hope you enjoyed it regardless. Let me know what you think! Hopefully I will start some kind of schedule for updates but I am an adult and adult things always seem to get in the way haha! Thank you for reading 
> 
> The little bit with Iroh was actually inspired by some Zutara fan art by Biorn-21 on DeviantArt. They do amazing work and you should check them out!
> 
> https://www.deviantart.com/biorn-21/art/Tea-808238579


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katara pays Azula a visit. It's not what she expects. 
> 
> Zuko pays Ozai a visit. It goes exactly how he expects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Death must be so beautiful.  
> To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to the silence.  
> To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow.  
> To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.  
> You can help me.  
> You can open for me the portals of death's house, for love is always with you, and love is stronger than death.'
> 
> \- Oscar Wilde.

There is nothing behind Azula's golden eyes, empty pools of fire stare back at Katara. She shuffles awkwardly wondering what to say next, she decides sitting is the best option as she folds herself carefully on the floor, far enough away from the bars but close enough to see Azula in the dim light. 

Azula watches her, her chin resting on her tucked up knees, her face still empty of any emotion. Katara’s eye scan over the small space Azula now calls home, it’s bleak and dark, not fit for a princess at all. But she supposes that Azula is no longer a princess, not anymore. She may still be Zuko’s sister but the only thing holding them together is their blood and Zuko knows better than anyone that sometimes that isn’t enough. 

Azula moves closer to the bars, Katara’s attention snaps to her and she moves her fingers to her water skin. Watching Azula move along the ground is like watching a wounded animal, she moves crouched down on the balls of her feet, her hands feeling along the floor until she is gripping the bars separating them. 

“Blue.” Azula whispers as she regards Katara, still no recognition in her features. 

Katara nods, “It’s Katara, Azula. I wanted to see how you were doing…” Her voice breaks at the last word, she has no idea what she should be saying to the broken girl in front of her.

“Katara…” Her name comes out almost like a question. Azula sits, mimicking Katara. 

“I guess we’ve ever been introduced,” Katara starts awkwardly. She’s sure Azula didn’t know her name until today. “I’m friends with Zuko.”

Azula's eyes widen at her brother's name, something wild flickers in them and her face begins to crumple. “Zuzu,” She whispers, frowning as if she’s trying to remember something. Azula looks at Katara, her head tilting to the side slightly as she regards the girl. “Katara,” she says it as if she’s finally worked it out. “The one Zuzu loves.” She says simply, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the word. 

Katara chokes as the heat rushes up her neck and onto her face. “No, Azula. Zuko loves Mai.” She whispers looking down at her hands now folded in her lap. She looks back at Azula to see amusement flicker across the princess’ face as she hums in what Katara thinks is agreement. “I don’t even know why I’m here.” She whispers mostly to herself. 

“To make sure I’m okay.” Azula says in the same commanding and irritated voice she had used when she was chasing down Katara and her friends. 

“Are you okay?” Katara asks, already cringing at how ridiculous the question is. “I mean, are the feeding you and -”

She’s cut off by Azula's laughter, it’s short, manic and jarring. The princess is now pacing the short length of her cell, her back straight. “The servants are absolutely inadequate, I must speak with father about it, he will be furious. Maybe even banish them!” She’s gleeful as she continues pacing. “And what’s worse, I haven’t been escorted to the royal spa in days! Can you believe that Mai?” She turns to Katara, her eyes are glazed over and a sheen of sweat glistens off her exposed skin. 

Katara realises that the princess is no longer with her. She sighs and stands up making her way for the door. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Azula calls after her. “I didn’t dismiss you!” Katara can hear her calling out Mai as she shuts the door behind her. 

Seeing Azula didn’t help the foreboding in Katara’s mind, ever since she and her friends had reunited in the Fire Nation she had this nagging feeling in the back of mind, this feeling of dread that something awful was waiting in the shadows. She thought that was why she hadn’t left the palace yet. Hakoda had left weeks ago, he would be back in the South Pole by now and of course he had asked Katara and Sokka to come with him, they needed to be back home as a family. But after a year of never being in the same place for too long Katara needed some stability and much to Sokka’s surprise she had insisted on staying in the palace with the rest of their friends. She honestly thought that maybe she would be the only one staying with Zuko but Toph had declared she had nothing waiting for her in the Earth Kingdom, Suki, Ty Lee and some of the other Kyoshi warriors had been appointed as Zuko’s bodyguards and Sokka wasn’t going to leave Suki and Aang wasn’t going to leave Katara. They all ended up staying much longer than I’m sure any of them had planned. 

Katara arrived back at the palace to find her friends sitting in the turtle-duck garden, the sun slowly falling over the horizon as the heat of the Fire Nation summer still pounded down on them. Sokka and Suki were sitting under a tree, their heads close together as they whispered and laughed. Aang, Toph and Mai sat by the pond itself, Aang had one of his hands dangling in the water as he lay on his back basking in the last of the sun, he looked peaceful. Katara envied that.

Mai seemed to be the only one who cared as she arrived as she turned to look at her with the same stoic expression she always wore before turning back to Toph. As hard as Katara tried there was always an uneasiness between the two, one she noticed Mai didn’t seem to share with anyone else anymore. 

“Sweetness!” Toph exclaimed as Katara drew closer. “Where have you been?”

Katara shrugged and sat down next to her friend. “A walk.” She looked around the garden, usually Zuko sat away from everyone, still too caught up in his duties of the day to offer any kind of conversation, but he was nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Zuko?” She wondered out loud before thinking better of it. 

Mai didn’t look up from the knife she was holding when she answered. “His study. He said he didn’t want to be disturbed.” 

Katara nodded, standing up and brushing herself off. “I’m just going to go see-” She didn’t finish her sentence as Mai whipped her head up to look at Katara.

A silent challenge flared behind her dull yellow eyes as she looked at Katara, so fast Katara might have missed it before the mask was back up. “Fine, suit yourself.” Mai sighed as she waved Katara off. Her lips pulled into a tight line as she looked back down at her knife. 

Katara stood outside Zuko’s study, her hand raised up in a fist but she had yet to knock. Zuko was busy, she didn’t need to tell him she had gone to see Azula, he would be furious with her, but she told him everything. Keeping things from him felt… wrong. She took a deep breath and wrapped on the door. 

Nothing.

Maybe he wasn't in there, maybe Mai had gotten it wrong. She’d been standing outside the door for at least 5 minutes and she hadn’t passed him on the way. She knocked again, this time she heard rustling on the other side. “Zuko?” She called through the heavy wood. 

A beat and then, “I’m busy Katara.” He called back. His voice sounded hoarse and tired, she could picture the way his brow furrowed and his lips pulled down in a scowl. He sounded sad. 

Katara rolled her eyes as she pushed open the door, he can push everyone else away but she knew better than that.

He didn’t look up as she entered the room. “I said, I’m busy.” He growled, his voice cracking on the last word. 

Something wasn’t right.

“Zuko, what’s wrong?” Katara's face pulled down in concern as she crossed the room to stand next to his desk, not crossing the few feet between them to be at his side. 

He shook his head, burying his face in his hands. “I’m just tired.” An unmistakable shudder ran across his shoulders and he pulled in a breath. “I need to be alone.” He muttered. 

Katara took a small step forward, she knew Zuko was likely to lash out, it’s what he did. He tried, he tried so hard to be softer, calmer, but when anger is all you’ve ever known old habits die hard. She couldn’t blame him though, he was still healing. As kind as he was, emotions are like flames, they can flare at any moment. 

Another step and she was at his side. Crouching she pulled his hand away from his face, turning him to face her as she grasped one of his hands in her left and lifted her right to his face, her fingers brushing lightly across his scar and she captured a tear. He’d been crying. 

Gold eyes met blue and he breathed out a small sigh of relief. 

“What’s going on, Zuko?” Katara whispered, her voice soft and worried. 

His eyes searched her face, there was something behind them she couldn’t place - fear maybe. His voice just as low as hers when he answered. “I went to see my father today…”

Zuko draws in a deep breath before he pushes open the door. Aang said he had taken Ozai’s bending away but his scar still burns with the anticipation of seeing his father's face again. He’s not naïve, he knows even without his bending he’s a powerful man, he still has a hold over some people in the Fire Nation, people who were less than happy about Zuko taking his place as Fire Lord. Zuko’s face pulls into an angry scowl it’s grown used to over the last three years. 

He was ready to face his father. 

Ozai sits in the corner of his cell, not bothering to look up as Zuko approaches. “I should count myself lucky the new Fire Lord has graced me with his presents in my lowly prison cell.” He sneers

“You should count yourself lucky that The Avatar spared your life.” Zuko counters.

Ozai huffs in response. 

“Banishing me was the best thing you could have done for my life,” Zuko continues. “It put me on the right path.” He pauses. “Perhaps your time in here could do the same for you.”

“Why are you _really_ here?” Ozai says slowly, still not looking up from the floor. 

“Because you’re going to tell me something,” Zuko says crouching down so he is eye level with his father. “Where is my mother?” He demands. 

Ozai looks up at his son, dressed in his Fire Lord robes, crown nestled in his top knot. Even with all the dressings of a lord he still looks like a kid, Ozai thinks bitterly. Not fit to rule a nation, not even fit to be his son. “I have no idea.” He says looking back down at the floor. 

Zuko stutters, heat rising to his cheeks. He knew this was a bad idea. “You said she was alive!”

“I never said such a thing,” Ozai counters. “I said she may be. The simple fact is that after her banishment she disappeared.” He snickers. “Something you should have done.” 

“I don’t believe you.” Zuko says through clenched teeth, he can feel the fire burning under his palms, even locked up his father still knows how to get under his skin. 

“Believe what you want, _Fire Lord Zuko.”_ Ozai spits sarcastically. “Perhaps she doesn’t want to be found.” 

Ozai’s laugh follows Zuko down the corridor and out into the heat. He tries to hold in the anger sitting on his chest but as soon as his face feels the dry air of the nation he pulls his head back and roars, fire bursting out of his mouth and into the sky. He falls to his knees, heaving in breaths as his head spins. 

_“Perhaps she doesn’t want to be found.”_

Of course she does. Why wouldn’t she want him to find her. She was his mother, she loved him. Didn’t she? She would want to see Azula again, and the turtle-dusks. She would want to drink Uncle’s tea and sit with him at Lu Ten’s grave. She had to be alive, she had to come home.

Zuko tore through his father's books and scrolls in his study trying to find something - anything - he had looked before but maybe there was something he missed. Maybe there was something written in code he couldn’t understand, he refused to believe Ozai had just let his mother leave without keeping tabs on her. 

But as the sun went down and covered Caldera in dusk he still hadn’t found anything. His frustration and anger welled in his eyes and he was too tired to pull himself together. 

Where was she?

A knock at the door pulled him from his thoughts. He already told Mai to go away and he really didn’t feel like fighting with her again, so he stayed silent, wondering if she’d just leave.

Another knock, he sat back in his chair, pulling papers with him and letting them fall to ground. 

“Zuko?” Katara's soft voice broke through the sad silence. 

Zuko felt his heart speed up a fraction, of course she had come to check up on him, he hadn’t gone to the garden like he normally did this time of day. “I'm busy, Katara.” He called back, wincing at how pathetic he voice sounded. He almost rolled his eyes when he heard the door open and her soft footsteps sound across the floor. “I said: I’m busy.” He didn’t mean it to come out as aggressive as it did and his voice broke at the end. 

“Zuko, what’s wrong?” He could picture her soft face pulled into a scowl of concern, he’d seen that look a lot and he knew how her brow furrowed and the skin pinched in between them, he wondered what it would be like to reach out and smooth the lines away. She was now standing next to his desk, the clutter and chaos completely ignored by her.

He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts, trying not to cry. “I’m just tired.” He said through his hands, his face hidden away from her. “I need to be alone.” 

_Please don’t go._

Suddenly she was there, cool fingers on his wrists pulling at his hands, twisting him to face her. The skin pinched together between her brows. One hand wraps around one of his and the other reaches up to his face, his eyes almost flutter close at the contact of her ice fingers against his burning hot scar. She brushes away a tear he didn’t know was falling. He can’t help but sigh, her water smothering his fire. 

“What’s going on Zuko?” Katara asks. 

He wonders what it was that decided he deserved this kind of love and support and because Zuko tells Katara everything he tells her: “I went to see my father today.” 

If she’s surprised she doesn’t show it. She just holds his hand and waits for him to continue. 

“He claims he doesn’t know where my mother is.” He can feel the tears welling in his eyes again. “I’ve looked through everything Katara, there’s nothing. It’s like she never existed. I have no idea where to start.” He feels her grip his hand tighter. “What if I never find her? What if she doesn’t want to be found? Uncle is gone, I have no one left.” He’s sobbing now. 

_What if she’s dead?_

Katara pulls him off his chair into an embrace, they are crouched awkwardly on the floor, his other hand reaching out to steady himself on the edge of his desk. “You have me, Zuko. You have all of us. We’re your family too.” He feels her breath on the back of his neck. She pulls away to look at him. “We’ll find her. I promise. Don’t give up.” 

They’re sitting crossed legged, facing each other now, Katara has taken Zuko’s hand again, rubbing small circles in his palm with her thumb. 

“Maybe The White Lotus can help?” She asks, not looking up from their hands. 

Zuko shakes his head. “I asked Uncle when we were in Ba Sing Se, they don’t know where she is either but he said they would look for her too.”

Katara hums, her brows are pulled together and Zuko can tell she’s thinking about something, he taps the inside of her wrist with his fingers, capturing her attention. “Do you think -” She’s starts unsure about what she’s saying. “Do you think Azula might know?

Zuko can’t help himself from scoffing. “If she did, she’s not exactly a reliable source.” 

Katara nods, her brows still pulled down as she looks back down at their hands. Zuko opens his mouth to ask her what she’s thinking when Aang's voice rings through the door. 

“Katara? Zuko?” He calls. “Are you guys in here?” Light from the hallway slides into the room, but sitting on the floor Katara and Zuko are hidden behind the desk. 

Katara lifts a finger to her lips, urging Zuko to stay quiet, her eyes sparkle and her face relaxes. Whatever she was thinking is gone as they hide from their friend. Zuko smiles and tucks himself closer to the desk waiting for Aang to leave. 

When they’re covered in darkness again Katara sighs and stands up, her hand reaching out to help Zuko to his feet. “We should go, dinner is probably ready and if no one can find you they’ll lock the whole place down.” She rolls her eyes. 

Zuko chuckles and scrubs his face with his hands. He hopes his eyes don’t look as tight and blood shot as they feel. He starts towards the door. 

“We’ll find her Zuko.” Katarat says quietly, following him. “I promise.” 

Zuko nods, but doesn’t turn around. He doesn’t want Katara to see the doubt on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always feel awkward writing these authors notes haha, I never know what to say.   
> UMMMMM let me know what you think!


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a minute since updating. Unlike a lot of you - I'm guessing - my country has been pretty lucky in regards to Covid and there are a lot of states that are no longer locked down. I'm extremely lucky because I live on an island state and our state government decided to close off our boarders to the mainland. This means my state is fully open and I am back at work full time - boooo! but also yay!. Adult life is hard and exhausting but I promise to make sure I don't leave too long before updating next.   
> ***
> 
> 'Tell me, how long do you hold onto a memory?  
> How do you decide between the pain of remembering and the pain of letting go?'  
> \- Beau Taplin: Bloom.

Azula wakes with a start, her head smacking against the underside of her bed. Her inner fire flickers brokenly deep inside her, it must be midday. Something was different, she  _ felt  _ different. 

She lifts one hand to her face, flexing it. Her once long, sharp nails are now filed down to the skin. She can see her veins through her almost translucent skin and if she looks hard enough - squinting against the dim light - she can see the flicker of blue fire coursing through them. 

Azula feels like herself. 

Her breakfast sits at the edge of her cell and she slides her way out from under her bed and across the floor towards it. Fingers grasping at the bowl and throwing the food hungrily into her mouth. She looks at the cold tea sitting on the tray, she knew if she drank it her flame would burn through her body, unable to get out, but she is thirsty and she no longer has the luxury or willpower to refuse. 

Jasmine flavours hit her tongue and she splutters, this isn't the sickly sweet brew she is used to, this isn't right. 

"Forgive the tea, Princess." A voice comes from the darkness. 

Azula drops the cup, her hands flying up to cover her ears. Was she hearing voices now? 

A chuckle from the darkness and then a Fire Nation soldier steps into the dim light, bowing low. "Your father sends his regards, he said you would prefer the Jasmine tea.” 

Azula looks up at the man, he had to be real, surely she wasn’t seeing things, she felt so good when she woke up. She was pretty sure her sanity was holding on tight today. “Father sent you?” Her voice was weak and hoarse, not fitting for a princess such as herself. 

The man nods. “Your brother may be Fire Lord, Princess Azula, but your father is still The Phoenix King to many of us and  _ you  _ are our rightful leader of this nation.” He bows again, a small smirk playing on his lips. “And your father has sent me to deliver a message.” He steps closer to the bars of the cell, crouching down to meet her eye level. “You are the only one he trusts with providing him with his freedom, he trusts that you will execute a foolproof plan and when the time comes he’ll be ready.” The man stands and moves towards the door, he turns back slightly, his hand resting on the handle. “He knows you won’t let him down, he trusts you’ll know what to do.” And with that he leaves. 

Azula doesn’t move, her legs tucked up to her chest as she stares at the ground. How long has she been in this cell? A few months maybe? Longer than that? It’s so hard to know without the sun heating her body. She assumed her father was in the same prison, Zuzu would want to keep them both close to him, his paranoia making him believe that he was in control. 

Azula smiles to herself, even locked up Father still trusted her to make important decisions. She had let him down during Sozin’s Comet, the memory of the Watertribe girl casing her in ice rushes back into her memory and her cheeks burn, she could not let him down again, the plan had to be perfect. She needed to be quick and clever, she needed to make sure she was at her most powerful, she needed to see the sun. 

Azula looks at the wet patch on the floor, the Jasmine tea soaking into the stone, her inner fire flared at the realization, her chi began to flow freely in her stomach. 

~~~~

Mai couldn't figure it out, why they were all still here? It had been months and Zuko's little group were still staying at the palace. Sure, she had bonded with the blind one, purely because she seemed the most important to Zuko. The little sister he wishes he had, maybe.

The fact was Zuko had been gone for years and the short time he had been welcomed back to the palace he wasn't really there, his mind usually somewhere else. And now he was Fire Lord, his attention was hardly ever on Mai. She understood of course but when they finally got some time together it was either interrupted by something far more important or Zuko insisted on sitting just out of ear shot from his friends by the turtle-duck pond. 

It was like they were afraid to be apart. 

Mai tried to understand, she really did. They had been through a lot together, every day before the comet had been dangerous, every day they could have been captured or killed. It's not that she disliked them, despite everything they had forgiven her and welcomed her and Ty Lee into their group but there was this feeling in the pit of her stomach she couldn't digest. 

She was jealous. 

It was becoming increasingly obvious that the Zuko who was banished at the age of 13 wasn't the same Zuko that came back before Black Sun and he absolutely wasn't the Zuko that came back after the comet. 

Mai was starting to think she really didn't know Zuko at all.

Maybe that's why she never warmed to Katara. There was something unspoken between her and Zuko, they had this silent understanding that drove Mai crazy. 

But after everything, after the war had ended, after Zuko had almost died, he still chose Mai.

Hadn't he? 

Mai looks across the table at Katara, willing her to leave with the rest of the group, she hadn't had a moment alone with Zuko for days and this might be her only chance. She looks at Zuko hoping he'd catch her eye and her hint, but Katara and Zuko are completely unaware they're being watched. 

Zuko is buried in papers, a scowl on his face as he tries to make sense of what he's reading. Katara is watching him closely, she's opened her mouth to say something twice now but thought better of it. 

Mai sighs. "Katara, just ask Zuko whatever it is you're antagonising over. I'm getting bored of waiting." She studies her fingernails but see's Zuko's head snap up, his eyes wide with questions. 

Katara sputters and Mai notices the blood rush to her cheeks. "Oh um-" she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ears. "I was just wondering if you were thinking about going to see Azula." Katara trails off, as if she knows how ridiculous she sounds. 

"See Azula?" Mai asks. "Why?" She masks her surprise with a bored tone. 

Mai can see Zuko glaring at Katara, apparently this should have been a private conversation. "I'm not going to see my sister, Katara." Zuko's tone is forcefully light. 

"Zuko! You need to see her! Not just for yourself but for your mother!" Katara pushes. 

Zuko shakes his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. "It's a waste of time, how could she possibly know where my mother is?" 

Katara places her hand over Zuko's and suddenly Mai is very aware that it's just the three of them, she watches the very intimate moment and catches the way Zuko's shoulders relax slightly at Katara's touch.

Mai rings her hands in her lap, holding the stoic expression on her face. She is not the jealous girlfriend type. "You're looking for your mother." It's more of a statement than a question.

Zuko remembers Mai's still sitting next to him and pulls his hand out from under Katara's. "I want to find her," he nods. "But I'm not sure where to start." 

Mai looks at Katara. "And  _ you think  _ Azula might know where she is?" Katara nods, her eyes lighting up as she thinks Mai's about to agree with her. "That's ridiculous." Mai sighs. 

Katara frowns at Mai. "You can't be serious?" She starts. "You should know better than anyone not to count Azula out. She could know something!" 

Mai watches Katara's face get progressively redder as she yells at them. "I do know better than anyone. Even  _ if  _ Azula did know something she'd never tell you, you have nothing to offer her." 

"What?" Katara stammers. 

"Azula never does anything unless there's something in it for her and the only thing she'd want is her freedom." Mai was getting bored of this conversation. "So what's the point in trying?" 

Katara's face is burning red now. " What's the point in trying?" She says through clenched teeth. "Are you  _ kidding?!  _ The point is we could find Zuko's mother! The point is we  _ have  _ to try!" She's standing, her hands flat on the table as she leans over to Mai. 

Mai looks up at the angry Waterbender, it takes all her composer not to ram a knife through her hand. 

"Enough." Zuko says, breaking the angry silence. "Mai's right, Katara. Azula always lies. She'd lead us on a wild goose chase just for fun." He gets up from his chair and moves towards the door. "I've got to go." He says, not bothering to look back as he walks out of the room. 

Mai stands and smooth's out her robes, fixing the knives hiding in the creases. She walks towards the door, not bother to look in Katara's direction. 

"You should go see her." Katara says softly. 

"She threw me in jail." Mai retorts. "She would have left me to die in there." 

"And now she's in the same position." Katara replies. 

Mai continues towards the door. "I don't really care." 

Katara stands in the now empty room, the smell of breakfast still lingering in the air. "What do you care about, Mai?" She whispers to the girl who's long gone. 

Azula is surprised when the Water Tribe girl sits down on the other side of the bars, her face barely lit under the dim lights. She knows nothing about the girl other than the conclusions she came to when she showed up with Zuko during Sozin's comet, Zuzu must trust her, love her even. Azula regards the girl, she’s not looking at her, her hands clasped tightly in her lap and when she sniffs in a deep breath Azula thinks she must have been crying. 

“Why are you here?” Azula asks, she is honestly curious and something in the back of her mind nags at her, like they have been here before. 

The girl doesn’t look up as she sighs. “I don’t know.” She whispers. “I thought…” She trails off, thinking better of it. “Doesn’t matter,” she says, shaking her head. “You seem better today.” Now the girl looks at Azula, she is taken aback at how soft the girl's expression is. 

“Better?” Azula spits. “There is nothing wrong with me.” She argues, because she believes it’s true, because if she was actually mad then how could Father trust her to do anything. 

The Water Tribe girl shakes her head. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Azula looks at the girl, she sits with her back dead straight, chest open and confident. Something about the posture reminds her of something, or someone. Was that the way she used to sit? The way a Princess should sit, posed and commanding. Azula straightens her own back, her muscles grown with effort, she is stiff and sore.

“Why were you crying?” Azula demands to know.

The girl sighs again. “It doesn’t matter.” She looks back down at her hands. “It wasn’t something worth crying over anyway.” Her eyes meet Azula’s and she studies her face carefully. “Can I ask you something?” She asks. 

Azula waves her hand, as if to tell her she doesn’t care either way. 

“Do you know where your mother might be?” The girl talks slowly and carefully, hoping her words won’t break Azula. 

Azula feels her eyes widen as the memories rush back, overwhelming her. Her mother telling her stories, her mother sitting with her next to the turtle duck pond, her mother scolding her after she tried to warn Zuko about their father, her mother leaving in the middle of the night, her mother who loved Zuko more than she loved her, her mother who thought she was a monster. 

Suddenly she is on fire. Azula rams fists to her temples and squeezes her eyes shut, she needs to hold onto her sanity, she had been so lucid today. She can feel her mind closing off, shutting down, crumbling. She shakes her head and presses the fists closer to her skin, her teeth clenched so tight her jaw might break. In the distance she thinks she hears the Water Tribe girl call her name, but she can’t make it back, the darkness is closing in too fast. 

Cool hands press over Azula's fists and the sensation spreads through her head, the darkness recedes and she can think clearly again. Her jaw relaxes and she feels her hands slip out from under the cold fingers wrapped gently in her hair. The Water Tribe girls voice is louder in her ears as she comes back to reality. 

“It’s okay, Azula.” The girl coos. “I’m helping. It’s okay.”

The coolness runs through Azula’s body and she sighs with relief. She’s still here, she can feel the stone of her cell under her feet and smell the stale air around her. Azula opens her eyes and looks at the Water Tribe girl, her hands moving delicately as she coxes the water back into the pouch at her hip. 

“You used water bending on me.” Azula voices her realization. 

The girl nods. “I can use it to heal people.”

Azula looks down at her hands, wishing she could produce a flame. “I haven’t bent in weeks.” She whispers, lowering her head. “I can’t feel the sun.” 

Azula hears the girl shift on the floor, before she speaks. “If I help you,” She pauses. “Will you help me? Will you tell me what you know?” 

In the darkness Azula smirks. “Of course.” She says. 

~~~~

Katara gulps in the fresh air as she leaves the prison, Azula’s cell is stuffy and stale. She thinks back to the pained expression on Azula’s face when she asked her about her mother and the twisted energy fighting in her head as she tried to heal the girl. Katara knew she was more like her old self today but tomorrow might be different, she might be lost to them forever. If she wanted to find out what Azula knew she needed to do it fast. 

Mai’s voice breaks Katara out of her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed the girl approaching her. “So, this is where you’ve been sneaking off to?” She asks, though Katara is sure she doesn’t care at all.

Katara straightens her back. “I haven’t been sneaking.” She argues. 

Mai sighs. “Does Zuko know you’re here?” 

“He doesn’t dictate what I do!” She knows she’s getting overly defensive but she can look after herself. 

“I’ll take that as a no.” Mai replies, examining her sleeve, the perfect creases hiding blades. “So, did Azula tell you what you wanted to know?” 

Katara looks down at her feet, she doesn’t want to admit that perhaps Mai and Zuko are right and Azula doesn’t know where Ursa is. “She wants to be let out of her cell.” She admits softly. “She wants to fire bend.” 

Katara looks up to see Mai roll her eyes. “Of course she does.” She says tiredly. “She’s playing you, you know that right?”

“I don’t want to have this discussion with you, Mai.” Katara says as she moves past the girl, she wants to get back to the palace. 

Mai doesn’t follow her, she doesn’t turn as Katara walks past her. “If you get Zuko shot full of lightning again, I will kill you.” She calls after her.

Katara doesn’t stop as Mai yells at her. If Azula hurts Zuko again she would gladly take a knife to the heart. 

She arrives back at the palace to find almost everyone in the garden, like usual for this time of day. Sokka, Toph and Aang are gathered around a pot of tea laughing about something as Momo settles himself onto Toph outstretched stomach, she scratches the base of his ears. Aang smiles and waves as Katara joins them, pouring herself a cup. Suki, Ty Lee and another Kyoshi Warrior are sparing in the corner of the garden, she doesn’t see Zuko or Mai. 

“Earth to Katara!” Aang's voice pulls her back to reality. 

“Sorry, what did you say?” She asks, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“Are you okay?” He asks, his voice full of concern. “I’ve barely seen you for weeks and even when you’re with us it feels like your mind is somewhere else.”

“I think what Aang is  _ trying  _ to say, is you’ve been acting super weird.” Sokka interjects. 

“ _ Super  _ weird.” Toph agrees. 

“Thanks.” Katara mumbles. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” She sighs. 

“You can talk to us, we’re here to help!” Aang says cheerfully. 

Katara looks up and smiles at Aang, her heart contracts when she sees his face. It’s lit up like usual but the love and concern is written all over it and she wonders if she will ever hold the same innocent and peaceful expression. She feels the presents of someone behind and sucks in a deep breath knowing exactly who it would be. 

“Can I talk to you for a moment, Katara?” Zuko’s voice is cold and hard, he turns and walks to the other side of the garden without waiting for Katara to reply. She sighs again and stands. 

“Uh oh,” Toph exclaims as Katara follows Zuko. “Mum and dad are fighting again.” 

Katara fights a smile as she continues to the corner where Zuko is standing, his eyes are trained on the ground, pulled down into a deep scowl and his arms are crossed tightly over his chest.

“You went to see Azula.” He says as soon as she reaches him, it’s not a question.

“Mai told you?” She asks him softy. 

“ _ You  _ should have told me!” He argues. “What were you thinking, Katara? Why would go and see her? After I told you not to!” He’s yelling now and she’s sure everyone can hear him. 

“I just wanted to see her, Zuko. I can look after myself.” She argues back. 

“She almost killed you! Why would you put yourself in that position again?!” He roars, he uncrosses his arms but keeps his hands in tight fists by his side, she thinks she can see steam radiating off them. 

“Because she knows something Zuko, she has to know something and I want to help you.” She pleads with him. “I want to help her.” Her voice drops to almost a whisper. “You should see her, she’s in almost darkness all the time. She looks thin and pale. She’s losing it down there.” 

“It’s what she deserves!” Zuko doesn’t back down, he steps closer to Katara hoping she’ll back down. 

But she doesn’t.

“She’s your sister!” She yells at him, she takes a step towards him, he towers over her now, their chests almost flush together and she can feel the heat radiating off his body. 

“She’s a monster!” He counters, though Katara sees a flash of regret blaze across his face as the words leave his mouth. 

Katara reaches out for one of his fisted hands, he doesn’t jerk away like she expects him to. “You don’t really think that.” She says softly, her breathing is rapid and deep as she tries to calm herself. “I know she’s done awful things, Zuko. You don’t have to forgive if you don’t want to, but she knows something. I think you should see what she has to say.”

“Azula always lies.” Is all he says. 

“Even if she does lie to us, what do you have to lose? We’ll just be right back where we started.” Katara looks up at Zuko’s pained expression, his golden eyes are watching her so closely she feels heat creep up onto her cheeks. “Isn’t worth a try?” She asks. 

Zuko sighs and nods.

On the other side of the garden their friends watch the exchange unashamed. Mai turns and leaves the garden, she's seen enough. 

~~~~

Azula laughs as the last rays of sun hit her skin. Zuzu had told her he would take her outside, but he had waited until the very last moment of daylight. It was smart, she muses as she stretches out her sore limbs, her chi flows slowly in her stomach. She would be able to fire bend but she wouldn't be as powerful. 

"If you act up, you're going back into your cell." Zuko threatens as he guided her to the centre of the small yard. 

She catches the eye of the Waterbender and suddenly she's back at the palace, Sozin's comet roaring overhead. Azula wonders how fast Zuko can move in his royal attire, would be able to throw himself in front of the girl fast enough if she were to shoot lightning at her again. She wonders if he would risk his life again, surely now he is Fire Lord and has a nation to run he would be more self persevering. But that's the thing about Zuzu, even with all that power he's still weak. 

Azula punches into the air, her smile widens when she sees blue flames shooting from her fists. Even locked away in the dark she's still powerful and deadly. She pushes herself through a set of fire bending forms, leaping and kicking heat into the air as her body loosens up and she can finally move at pace. 

"Zuzu, spar with me!" She calls as she lands back onto her feet. 

"No." He calls back, his eyes narrow as he watches her. 

She sighs. "You're no fun." She smiles and widens her stance. 

Azula sweeps her right arm in a wide arch, energy is sucked from air around her and crackles at her fingertips as she produces lightning. She sweeps her left arm and brings her fingertips close to her chest before taking a deep step forward and pushing the lightning out from her fingertip into the sky. 

She turns back to her brother, he's standing in front of the Waterbender, his stance defensive and strong. Azula raises an eyebrow as she regards them. "I've had enough." She says as she walks back towards them. "Take me back to my cell." 

A guard appears at her side, holding a cup in his hand. "Drink first, then you can go back." Zuko commands. Azula rolls her eyes and takes the cup from the guard, she smiles into the cup as she tastes the familiar flavours of Jasmine slides down her throat. Her eyes move to the guard standing next to her, his mouths flicks up into a small smirk for just a moment before he regains his composer. 

Azula sets herself down on the small bed after she is guided back into her cell, she holds onto the fire burning through her body. Zuko and the Waterbender follow her into the dim room, the bars once again separating them.

"Where is our mother?" Zuko wastes no time, his scarred face almost pushed against the bars and he glares at Azula. 

She looks up at the ceiling as she tries to remember something that seemed important but now she can't seem to bring herself to care and it slips further away from her. "What makes you think I would know anything about her, Zuzu?"

"Why wouldn't you?! You know everything!" Zuko yells. "You told Katara you would tell her what she wanted to know!" 

Katara... That's her name. 

Azula hums. "Well, I lied." She simply says. 

Instead of Zuko getting angrier like she expects he sighs and turns away, opening the heavy door that leads to the staircase, letting it slam behind him as he walks out. 

Azula turns her head and watches as the Waterbender - Katara - moves to follow him.

"When we were kids our favourite game was hide and seek." Her voice stops Katara and she turns to face the bars again. "Because the palace was so big our Mother always used to leave clues. I was always better at finding her than Zuko, unsurprisingly, he's not very good at much." 

"What are you talking about?" Katara barks. 

Azula sighs, she really does have to spell everything out for everyone. "Follow the clues." She says as she rolls on her side, facing the wall. 

Katara doesn't bother replying as she too leaves, letting the door slam behind her. 

Azula waits. 

She waits until the fire within her has almost burnt completely out, she waits until the very last second, she doesn't need much, just a small spark. 

Azula stands and widens her stance, she goes through the motions and feels the power running through her veins and when she pushes her right hand forward a small spark ribbings out and hits the middle of the lock jolting and burning through the metal, melting it. She spins and kicks the bars and the door swings open. 

Finally, she's free. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! :) Thanks to those who are coming along for the ride, I appreciate the kudos and the reads and I appreciate you.  
> xx


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zuko has a surprise for Katara. But it's not the only surprise that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote and posted this on my phone so please excuse any mistakes 😊
> 
> XXX
> 
> 'This is me saying that I would set myself on fire to bring light to all of the dark places within you.'  
> \- Beau Taplin, Configuration.
> 
> XXX

Azula waits. 

She waits for the footsteps to disappear up the hallway before she rounds the corner. She stares down the long dark passage, skinny fingers linger on bars as she walks past them, her head held high. Soft pleading fills her ears and she smiles, she hasn’t held this kind of power in a long time. 

Azula waits at the bottom of the staircase, moonlight calls to her at the top and she wonders if she’s almost at the height of the prison. If she was thrown into the depths it makes sense her father would be held high above her, out of reach. But Azula is smart and silent and no one has caught her yet. She holds back a laugh when she imagines the look on Zuko’s face after he hears the news of her escape. Silly little Zuzu, always letting his bleeding heart make his decisions, it was why he jumped in front of the Water Tribe girl and it was why he let his little sister play in the sun. 

Fingers grab at her ratty pants and she stumbles. “Stupid peasant.” She spits, reeling on the figure crumbled behind the bars next to her. “How dare you touch me!”

A scarred face looks up at her. “Please, Princess. Let me out.” He pleads, tears brimming his eyes. He bows, his forehead touching the ground before he looks back up at her.

Azula see’s Zuko. 

Tiny Zuko, skinny and weak. Folded on the ground in front of their Father begging for his forgiveness. 

Azula clenches her eyes closed and shakes her head but Zuko is still there, looking up at her when she opens them. 

_ No, no, no, no.  _

Azula runs. 

But her brother follows her. He pleads with their father, he begs for his life. Azula feels the heat of her father's fire on her skin, she feels the way the fire stays just on the surface of her face, to maim and scar but not to destroy sight or hearing. She hears Zuko’s screams and feels his pain. 

“Go away.” She huffs as she runs. “It was your own fault.”

She hears Zuko call out for their mother before they both collapse on the floor. Azula claps her hands over her ears and tries to stop her brother from screaming, but it won’t go away. She’s on fire again and there’s no Waterbender to put her out. What was it that she was doing? She was looking for something? Or someone perhaps. She can’t think straight, Zuko  _ won’t stop screaming _ . 

“Shut up!” She calls into the empty hallway. She hasn’t realised she’s reached the top of the last staircase. 

“Azula?” A deep voice calls out from the darkness. 

She curls herself into a tight ball and wills the voice to go away. 

“Azula, for Angi sake. Compose yourself!” The voice is loud and commanding, not like Zuko at all but somehow familiar. 

She pulls herself from the floor and creeps towards the voice. Her father watches her as she moves into the soft moonlight coming through the small window of his cell, he doesn’t bother to get up as she approaches. Zuko's screams turn into whimpers and somehow it’s worse, Azula’s head is pounding and all she wants to do is make it stop. 

“Princess Azula, I knew you would come for me.” Ozai struggles to pull himself to his feet but soon he towers over Azula and suddenly she’s 11 years old again and Zuko’s whimpers roar back into screams. 

_ ‘Make it stop!’  _ Zuko begs her.  _ ‘Make it stop!’  _

Azula wants it to stop, she  _ needs  _ it to stop. Her father is speaking to her but she can’t hear a word over Zuko’s crying. Why does he always have to cry?! Why does he always have to be so weak?

Azula flicks two fingers out of her clenched fists and she feels the bolt of fire coarse through her hands and out the tips of her fingers, it hits her father in the knee. He collapses with a roar and clings onto the bars as he glares up at Azula, spit flies out of his clenched teeth as he tries to pull himself back up to face her, but she is quick and she is deadly and all she wants is Zuko to stop screaming.

One hand reaches out and clasps over her father’s mouth, the fire melts the skin of his lips into a muffled scream as the other cups left side of his face, the heel of her hand resting over his eye just as he had done to Zuko. Azula aims to maim, scar, destroy and kill and when Ozai finally crumples to the ground in a smoking heap Zuko  _ finally  _ stops screaming. 

Azula doesn’t wait, she turns and runs down the stairs and through the passageways, lightning flickers from her fingers and doors of cells clang open as she rushes past, laughing at the chaos. No one notices the crazy, thin Fire bender as she flees through the hallways and out into the night. 

She wonders if the Water Tribe girl is good at playing hide and seek. 

~~~~

_ ‘Follow the clues.’  _

Katara sits by the turtle duck pond, her fingertips brushing along the surface as she gets lost in her own thoughts. The thought of sleep had long left her and Azula's voice run circles in her head. 

_ 'Follow the clues.'  _

Katara huffs in frustration, she had no idea what Azula was talking about, there were no clues and even if there were she certainly hadn't found any. Nor had Zuko for that matter, though Katara doubted he'd actually been looking. He seemed so distracted lately, barely showing up for breakfast or to meet in the garden with the others and when he did it was so hard to pull him out of whatever he was antagonising over.

She looks down at her reflection staring back at her in the pond, she looks awful. Dark bags hang under her lifeless eyes and her hair is uncontrollably affected by the humid Fire Nation summer, she hopes the rain would come soon and the heat would break. She hasn't slept properly in weeks and lately it seems to be getting worse. Her dreams are plagued with images of Azula and her lightning, she had thought facing Azula would help but it had only left her gasping for breath, trying to steady herself before someone could see how broken she is. 

Katara wants to help Zuko, the way he had helped her. She wants him to have a mother, he'd been without one for far too long and she wants to make sure he was surrounded by love when the time came for her leave. Katara frowns back at her reflection, the thought of leaving has barely crossed her mind and she's unsure if she would go home. 

_ 'Home.' _

The word doesn't quite fit with the South Pole anymore. The word doesn't quite fit with anywhere anymore. 

"Katara?" Zuko's voice breaks her out of her musings and she looks over her shoulder to see him standing awkwardly a few feet away. 

She pats the stop next to her as she turns to look back at the pond. "Nice of you to show up." She says quietly. She's not sure why but she's annoyed he didn't show up for their usual group meet up. 

Zuko takes a seat next to her, he shifts slightly further away when he notices the sheen of sweat glistening off her skin. He looks at her for a moment, her brows pulled down in a slight frown and he realises this is the expression she usually wears now. 

"Can't sleep again?" He asks even though he knows the answer. 

Katara shrugs. "It's cooler at night anyway." 

Zuko doesn't reply, he just stares into the pond in front of them, his eyes unfocused and his mind far away. Katara watches him in the reflection, she memorises how his loose hair flops over his face and somehow manages to slightly hide his scar but not obstruct his vision. She hasn't seen him without his top knot holding up his crown in a long time, she smiles at the familiarity of the man next to her. The bags under his eyes are darker than usual and Katara thinks he's lost a little weight, his face sharper, the scowl more severe. She never seems to stop worrying about him. 

"What do you dream about, Zuko?" She asks because she wants him to unload some of the weight he always seems to be carrying. She asks because she wants to know.

Her question startles him and in the reflection of the pond she sees him reach up and squeeze the back of his neck, a habit - she realises - he has when he's uncomfortable. He coughs quickly, "uhhh…" He trails off and looks at her before turning back to the pond. "I - um, I dream about you, mostly." He confesses. 

Katara whips her head up to look at him. She thinks she sees a dark blush across his cheek. 

"Sometimes I don't make it in time for the lightning, or Azula gets to you while I'm laying on the ground." He continues quietly. 

"I dream about you too." Katara whispers, the quiet night carries her voice further than she'd like. "I dream about Aang in Ba Sing Se." She continues quickly. "I dream about my mother sometimes too." She looks up at Zuko with a sad smile. 

Zuko stands quickly and offers his hand to Katara. "Come on, I've got something I want to show you." 

They're too far into the palace to hear the crack of lightning ring through the palace city, the sound echoing from the prison. 

Zuko can’t seem to catch a break, just when he thinks things are starting to settle and he feels he is leading his nation in the right direction, something always hinders his progress. 

“My Lord, the situation in the Earth Kingdom colonies has escalated, I’m afraid if we don’t do something soon it will turn into an outright riot.” One of his advisors is pacing the room as he speaks. 

Zuko had planned to dismantle the colonies and turn the governing over to the Earth King but that course of action had not only displeased the King but also the residents. He could understand of course, on one hand the colonies were on conquered Earth Kingdom territory and King Kuei wanted the land back and free of Fire Nation and on the other the colonies had been there since the beginning of the war, it was home to generations of families and they had their own traditions and ways of life. He had hoped the colonies would show the rest of the world that Fire Nation citizens could live peacefully with the other nations but unfortunately the loyalist of his father had incited rebellion and he had no idea how to stop it. 

“If you do nothing the displeasure in your being Fire Lord may spill into the rest of the nation and even into Caldera itself.” His advisor continued. “Those still loyal to Ozai are slowly taking over the colonies, the war is far from over my Lord. I suggest sending in more soldiers, a show of strength is needed in times like these. Round up the loyalists and expel them from the colonies.” 

Zuko shakes his head, he didn’t want to rule that way, getting rid of anyone who disagreed with him. “No, there will always be someone who disagrees with my way of ruling, I will not punish them for that. I will however consider your suggestion of a greater force within the colonies, to ensure no harm comes to the residents or the rest of the Earth Kingdom. However if the people wish to protest, they are more than welcome to do so. But we should keep an eye on the organization of loyalists to make sure they don’t coordinate further and cause damage.” Zuko realises the sun is no longer flooding through the windows and he wonders what time it is. “I have kept you from your families for far too long today, we will continue this tomorrow. You are dismissed.” 

His advisors stand and bow before leaving the room, Zuko was finally alone, something that rarely happened. He was supposed to meet Mai in the garden this evening but he knew it was far too late and she would be long gone. He was surprised when he walked into the garden to see someone sitting by the pond, maybe Mai had waited for him. 

He snapped back to reality when he recognised the long, thick hair. He shook his head, there was no way Mai would have waited for him, she would have gotten bored or annoyed after an hour and left, he expected he wouldn't hear from her for a couple of days. Mai didn't say much most of the time but when she said nothing at all that's when you needed to worry. 

"Katara?" He asks, even though already knows it's her. 

He can see she's struggling, her bright eyes that once held oceans were now dull and tired, she hadn't slept a full night in months. Zuko knew this, he had watched her by the turtle duck pond almost every night while he was sitting in his mother's old room, plagued by nightmares too. He's ashamed to admit he hadn't reached out to his friend until now. 

"I dream about you too." Katara had whispered, her voice shooting straight to his heart, making his cheeks burn. "I dream about Aang in Ba Sing Se." She continues.

_ 'Of course.'  _

"I dream about my mother too." Her smile filled with sorrow as she looks up at him. 

Zuko hadn't said anything to her all those nights he watched her through the safety of the window, he didn't know what to say. 

How do you help the person who is the one that holds everyone else together? 

He still didn't know what to say, he was never any good at comforting people, but he has an idea. 

He stands, holding his hand out to Katara. "Come on, I've got something I want to show you." 

Zuko doesn't let go to Katara's hand as he leads her down the hallways of the palace. "Zuko," Katara giggles. "Where are we going?" 

He doesn't look back at her as he smiles. "It's a surprise." They turn another corner. "We're almost there." 

They stop at what appears to be a dead end and Katara looks up at him sceptically. Zuko twists the small lantern on the wall uncovering a hole, he shoots a small blast of fire into the opening and the wall moves to reveal a dimly lit passage. 

Katara's eyes widened in surprise. "A secret tunnel? Really Zuko?" 

His wide smile almost dissolves into a chuckle as he leads her down the passageway, it opens up into a large set of rooms and Katara gasps as she looks around, her eyes brimming with tears. 

"Is this…?" She trails off stepping further inside the room. Zuko watches her as she looks around, her face filled with wonder and curiosity. Her eyes begin to roar to life again. 

"Artefacts from the Air Nation." Zuko finishes for her. He doesn't move from his spot, preferring to watch Katara as she studies everything. "Mai and I have been hunting them down and buying them back from noble families and retired army personnel." Katara whips around and smiles at him. "Actually, Mai's been doing most of the work, I'm always too busy." Guilt makes his smile fade. "I wanted to surprise Aang with as much as we could find." 

Katara's fingers press to Zuko's wrist, she smiles at him gently. "He will love it, Zuko." She says. 

He smiles back. "Close your eyes, I have a surprise for you too." He takes her hand in his again as she laughs and closes her eyes. 

Zuko leads her into a smaller room and he's suddenly worried this will only upset her further but he's come this far, he can't turn back. He situates her in front of the table within the room, stepping around her until he's standing just behind her shoulder, he leans down a little and whispers in her ear. "Open your eyes." 

"Open your eyes." Zuko's hot breath runs down Katara's neck as he whispers, it raises goose bumps on her skin and her heart triples in speed. 

She swallows roughly before opening her eyes, in front of her is a table filled with Water Tribe relicts. Old betrothal necklaces are placed carefully in a row, a delicate comb, some parkas and even an orca seal bone carved into a flute. She runs a finger gently over the carved bone pendant of one of the necklaces. 

Tears threaten to spill over and she tries to hold them back but her voice betrays her. "Where-- Where did you get this stuff?" She whispers. 

Zuko shuffles awkwardly behind her. "I tracked down the guards that worked at the prison where the Southern Raiders held captured Waterbenders from your tribe." Katara can picture Zuko's face, the guilt and despair written all over it. "Some of the guards had kept things they'd taken from them." He pauses before softly adding: "I'm sorry I couldn't find more. I thought maybe you'd like to take them back with you when you go home." 

"Home…" Katara repeats, still looking over the small collection in front of her. She reaches back for Zuko's hand and he grasps her fingers between his, squeezing softly. "Thank you, Zuko." She whispers, she can't face him, afraid she'll shatter into a million pieces. 

She suddenly exhausted and feels herself wobble under the weight of all the things she's been carrying inside. 

Zuko catches her elbow to steady her. "You need to rest." He uses a softer version of his Fire Lord voice, it's asserting and strong. "I'll walk you back to your room." 

Katara nods and takes one last look at the artefacts as Zuko guides her out the way they came. 

The walk back is quiet, save the sound of their footsteps on the polished floors, it must be the middle of the night as they only run into a few guards patrolling the halls. As tired as she is, Katara dreads closing her eyes again, afraid to see the bright lightning flicker across her dreams, she can already hear Azula's laughter and smell Zuko's burning flesh. 

They reach her door and the panic waves through Katara again, her mouth moves before her brain can catch up. "Zuko, would you please-" She's cut off by the sounds of hurried footsteps down the hall. 

A man that Katara has never seen before is being lead by Zuko's head advisor, the both bow deeply when they reach the pair. 

"Warden?" Zuko asks, clearly as confused as Katara. 

"My Lord, Zuko." The man has to stop to catch his breath. "I must speak with you urgently and in private." 

Katara looks up at Zuko and they share a concerned look.

"You can speak to me in front of Mater Katara." He assures the man. 

The warden looks at Katara before turning back to Zuko. "My Lord, I believe this conversation would be better received somewhere more," he struggles with the right words. "Comfortable." He finishes slowly. 

Zuko nods and turns to walk down the hall, Katara follows closely behind him as do the two men, they stop once they're all inside Zuko's private quarters and he takes a seat, motioning for the others to do the same, Katara is the only one to takes a seat. 

"Forgive my intrusion at this late hour." The warden begins and bows low again. "But there has been an incident at the prison that required your immediate attention." He looks almost frightened. 

"Go on." Zuko encourages. 

The man nods. "I'm sorry to be the one who bears this grave news, but your father was discovered dead in his cell not too long ago." He bows again but doesn't right himself as he continues. "It appears your sister has escaped too, my Lord." 

Katara feels her blood run cold. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummm so let me know what you think! Thoughts, comments, suggestions. Thanks for reading!


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the space between updates, a lot of things happened while I was writing this chapter.  
> I think I started writing about four times and it just didn't feel right. Then I lost a family member and everything kind of just stopped and then a few days later I lost someone else, so I haven't been feeling like myself lately.   
> I'm not 100% happy with the ending of this chapter but honestly I feel like if I keep rewriting it I will lose my mind. 
> 
> Anyway... Here we go, chapter five.

_ ‘“Only the strong survive.” _

_ I beg to differ. There have been many times I have been weak, yet I still made it through.’ _

_ -Kayil York, Brave Soul. _

Grief infects people in different ways. Zuko knows this, he's known more grief in his 17 years than most people have known in their lifetime. He knows how to hold himself together, perhaps it's the fear of showing weakness, knowing it could be used against him or maybe it's the fact that his father was never really a father to begin with. 

How do you grieve for someone who didn't really exist? 

"Who else knows about this?" He asks slowly, testing the words out, they taste bitter in his mouth. 

“Only myself and the guards on duty tonight, my Lord.” The warden replies. “You’re sister caused quite a spectacle.” 

Zuko nods and starts towards the door. “The public can not know about this, we don’t want to cause panic.” He’s still talking as he rushes down the hallway. “Double the guards at the palace and patrols in the city, we have to find Azula before she does something horrible.”

“Of course, my Lord. We’ll find her.” 

Zuko stops and turns to face the small group following him. “No harm is to come to my sister, do you understand?” His face is cold and collected as he addresses his advisor. 

He bows. “Yes, my Lord. Understood.” He rushes past Zuko and into the darkness of the palace. 

Zuko turns to Katara. "Go and wake the others, let them know what's going on. I'm not sure what Azula is up to but it can't be good." He starts back down the hallway, the warden hot on his heels. 

"Zuko! Wait!" Katara call's after him, he stops but he can't face her. He knows the look she wears, one full of anguish and worry, one that would bring him to his knees and make him confess the uncomfortable pain he feels deep inside.

"I'm fine, Katara." He answers her unspoken question. 

There's a beat. "Where are you going?" She asks. He knows the anxiety she feels, he feels it too. Separating is the last thing they want to do. 

"To warn Mai." He looks slightly back to the warden behind him. "Then I want to see my father." 

He doesn't wait for Katara's answer as he rushes off into the darkness. 

Mai isn’t surprised when Zuko tells her of Azula's escape, she sighs as she slides her knives into the folds of her robe. “Honestly, I thought it would happen sooner.” There is no fear in her voice, no emotion at all. 

He thinks about telling her to stay inside, not to go looking for Azula, he knows their last meeting would still be playing over and over in his sister's mind and he worries what her fractured self would do if she saw Mai. But there is no stopping Mai and even if he tried he wouldn’t succeed.

“If you see her, please don’t hurt her.” He asks instead. 

Mai’s eyes widen for a fraction before the expressionless smoothness takes over. “Zuko, she tried to  _ kill  _ you.” She argues. “She threw Ty Lee and I in jail, she was going to leave us there to rot.”

Zuko knows he’s asking too much, he knows the wounds Azula inflicted on her friends are still raw and healing. “She’s my sister.” He says quietly, hoping she would understand. 

“She wouldn’t do the same for you, you  _ know  _ that. Why are you trying to protect her?” Mai doesn’t know this feeling, her family is still whole, they may not be the most functional but she knows where her mother is, she can hold her younger sibling, her father hasn’t tried to kill her. She doesn’t know what it’s like to watch her family slowly slip away. 

Zuko doesn’t tell her that his father is dead. 

He doesn’t know why, but the words get stuck in his throat and he gives up trying to force them out. Instead he says: “It doesn’t matter what she would do for me, Mai. She’s  _ still my family. _ ”

Zuko leaves her at the entrance of the palace with a quick kiss and two guards flanking her, she doesn’t ask questions and Zuko doesn’t offer answers.

Katara runs.

“Katara! Where are you going?” Aang calls after her as flies down the palace hallways. 

“To find Zuko!” She calls back, encasing her arms in water. 

Aang catches up to her with ease. “We have to stay together.” He urges. Somewhere behind them she hears Sokka grunt in agreement. 

Katara shakes her head but doesn’t stop running. “I’ll be fine Aang, I’ve taken Azula on before.”

Aang blocks her path, they are toe to toe and Katara realises he’s grown to her eye level. “It might not be  _ just  _ Azula. She could have had help.” 

Katara tries to step past Aang, but he’s too fast. “That’s why I need to find Zuko.” She’s frantic now, Azula’s lightning flickers behind her eyes. “We have a better chance of finding her if we  _ do  _ split up.” She argues. 

“Sweetness is right.” Toph interjects. “We can cover more ground if we split up.”

Katara smiles softly at her friend. She doesn’t dare tell them the thought of splitting up is terrifying, she needs to be brave, she’s always needed to be brave. 

Aang isn’t convinced. “Mai will be with Zuko, I’m sure he’s fine.” 

The universe laughs at Aang as Mai and a few Kyoshi warriors round the corner and join their little group. 

Katara turns to continue down the passageway, but Aang’s hand on her arm stops her. 

“You don’t even know where he is.” His eyes are wide, full of fear. 

Katara gently pulls her arm out from his grip and reforms her armour of water. “He’s heading to the prison, he wanted to see his father's body. I’ll be fine Aang”

She doesn’t wait for his reply, she doesn’t hear the confusion in Mai’s voice. “Ozai is dead?”

Zuko stands at the entrance of his father’s cell. A figure lays under the blanket on the bed, the smell of burning flesh still lingers in the air, Zuko knows he won’t be able to smell anything else for weeks. 

Cool fingers slide down his palm and wrap around his own, Katara appears in his peripheral and he’s glad for his friends' furious determination to make everything better. He nods at the warden. “I’m ready.”

Ozai’s face carries the same burn as his own, deep and raw, melting away the skin and muscle until there’s only bone. He hears Katara choke back a sob and her hand tightens around his. 

Zuko feels like the air has been sucked from the room, he wants to gasp for air but his body won’t move. He’s convinced he’s dying.

His father is dead.

His knees buckle underneath him and the ground rushes towards him, but arms made of ice and stone capture him before he hits the ground. 

Katara is there, Katara is always there.

Air fills his lungs and he folds himself into her embrace, his body shaking with selfish relief. But something else nags at him, something he thought he buried deep inside. 

“It’s okay, Zuko.” Katara whispers, her fingers running through his hair. “You can be upset. It’s okay.” He can tell she’s crying, he knows it’s not for his father, he knows she cries for him. 

But Zuko can’t cry, it would be wrong. He can’t cry for the man who was meant to be his father, his protector, he can’t cry for the man who burnt him and sent him away knowing his search would be futile. He can’t cry for the man who banished his mother and twisted his sister into an unrecognizable monster. 

He can’t cry for the man who never loved him.

Instead he focuses on Katara’s face, the way her lips move as she whispers to him, the way tears slowly slide down her cheeks, catching on her jaw and slither down her neck. He focuses on her eyes filled with oceans as they look at his father, a wave of recognition floods through them when they flicker to his own, lingering on the scar encasing the left side of his face. Her small hand comes up to touch the marred skin and a small gasp rushes from her lips. 

Zuko knows she figured it out, a secret he's kept from her. 

Azula knows all the good hiding places.

She knows where the tunnels reveal themselves and how to uncover their secrets. She knows how to listen to hushed conversations behind closed doors and how to flee silently back into the darkness. 

Azula knows all the good hiding places, all the places Zuzu hasn’t found, as hard as he tries, he was never any good at hide and seek. 

Azula stands in the middle of her old room, the dust tickles at her nose, no one has stepped foot in this room for months. She runs her fingers along the fine silk dresses hanging in the closet, her royal headpiece sits untouched on the dresser where she left it before the coronation, everything is exactly where she left it. 

Azula slides along the cold floor until she’s tucked tightly under the bed that takes up far too much room, she can feel the dirt and grime cling to her skin. Shoved between the lats holding the mattress up is a roll of parchment long forgotten, she doesn’t remember putting it there, but the words inked on the page have been slamming against her memory for days.

_ Follow the clues. _

Mother used to tell them the stories of the spirits, the ones that left the spirit world behind and found purpose amongst the humans. She used to tell them how they protected the great forests and oceans. She used to tell them stories of love, a love so deep spirits gave up immortality and became humans themselves. 

Father used to scoff.  _ ‘Stop filling their heads with nonsense, Ursa. They should be learning something useful!’ _

Azula would scoff with Father, but later once the rest of the palace was asleep Azula would crawl into Mother's bed and she would whisper stories in Azula’s ears until the little princess could no longer keep her eyes open. It was in these small moments where her mother was truly hers, when Zuzu didn’t interrupt, when Azula felt like her mother loved her more than she loved her brother. 

Azula looks down at the scroll, she already knows the story written on the page, her mother told it to her a thousand times. Azula knows she didn’t put it there, hidden so far away no one would ever look for it here. 

Azula rolls her head to the side, madness and reality blur together as she watches the feet reach the side of the bed. Long, elegant fingers dance along the underside of the bed, tucking the scroll away. Her mother's voice whispers a memory through the empty room. 

_ ‘Follow the clues Azula. I will be waiting for you at the end.’ A kiss burns Azula’s forehead and she tries not to stir, goodbyes are for the weak. 'Look after Zuko. I will  _ always  _ love you.’ _

Azula knows all the good hiding places, she knows the tunnels in the dark, she knows the rooms Zuzu wouldn’t dare enter, she knows where her story will be safe for now. 

Azula stands in the room of fire and pain. The room where battles are fought and won, where lives are ruined and lost, where honour is given and taken away. 

Azula stands in the spot where she watched Zuzu beg for his life. She can feel Uncle shudder and look away next to her, she can feel the way her lips curled slightly and her fist clenched tightly. Zuzu doesn’t scream anymore, instead he whispers in the darkness, he asks where their mother is, he demands that she shows him. 

She wonders if Zuzu would ever step foot in this room again. She wonders if his scar would burn with memories. But Azula doesn’t care if Zuzu finds her, she doesn’t leave this clue for him, she doesn’t leave anything for him. This game is between her and the Watertribe girl, two opposite ends of tragic lifetimes, one girl who stood a chance and the other who didn’t. 

Azula knows where the men wait for her, in dingy taverns and back alleyways. She knows they wait for orders and a Phoenix to follow, she knows they will grow restless and strike without a leader, revolt against the boy who sits on the throne meant for her. She  _ counts _ on it. 

Azula knows Zuzu won’t follow her, not willingly, not at first. She knows the Waterbender can’t convince him to leave either, no matter how much he loves her. But she has a plan, a way to force his hand. A way to force him out of the palace walls and back into the wild. 

Azula is patient and cunning and she knows all the good hiding places. 

The sun begins to rise slowly over Caldera, bringing a low haze of heat with it. Zuko stands in the middle of the courtyard where he had fought with blazing fists against his sister, his eyes flicker to the spot he lay dying, watching Katara take down Azula. In some strange way he had hoped his sister would show herself if he waited here long enough, but an hour had passed and still nothing. 

Zuko couldn’t wait around for Azula to strike, no matter how prepared he was she would still find a way to catch him off guard. He had a father to send back into the ashes and a Nation to help rise from them, he had no time to worry about crazed sisters who may and may not attack him, there were people out there who had  _ actually  _ tried to kill him, he couldn’t spend his time worrying about what ifs. 

Zuko makes his way back into the palace, he’s not surprised when he enters the dining room that the table has been pushed against the wall and his friends have made a tight circle with their bedrolls. 

Suki smiles when she notices him standing awkwardly at the door. “We thought it would be better if we were all together, safety in numbers.” 

He watches his friends. Katara fussing over Aang’s bedroll as him and Sokka play elements, Toph picking at her toes in the corner, Ty Lee showing the other Kyoshi warriors a few chi blocking moves, Mai sharpening a knife. 

“No one is getting in or out of the palace.” He assures Suki, but mostly he says it to convince himself. 

Suki nods. “Honestly, I suggested it because I’m worried about Katara.” His eyes flicker to the Waterbender, she’s moved onto fiddling with her waterskins. “I knew she wasn’t sleeping well, but she looks awful.” Suki's voice is sad. “I thought maybe she’d sleep if we were all together.” 

Zuko nods. “I’m worried about her too.” He admits. 

He makes his way over to where Katara sits, she's watching Toph with the same disgusted but adoring expression she reserves for when the blind earthbender is picking at her feet. He remembers sitting in the courtyard at Ember Island watching the two girls bicker then make up instantly, he wishes them fighting was the only problem he had to face. 

Katara smiles as he sits down across from her, Suki is right, in the light of day she looks awful. He wishes he went and sat with her at the pond earlier, he wishes he had the courage to reach out sooner. 

"We'll find her, Zuko." She says softly, misinterpreting his silence. 

"Azula won't stay hidden for long, it's not her way." He smiles weakly, trying to make a joke out of the situation. "I wanted to ask you something," he motions for Aang, Sokka and Toph to join them. "I need you to go get uncle from Ba Sing Se. He'd want to be here when we-" his voice breaks and fails him. 

"Of course we'll go, buddy." Sokka claps him on the back. "Whatever you need." 

Katara looks slightly panicked, Zuko feels the same apprehension at separating. "I would go myself," he speaks directly to Katara. "But I need to be here, I have to keep looking for Azula and I need to make sure everything's ready for my father's funeral." She shudders at his words. "I would rather Uncle find out from you rather than a messenger hawk." 

"At least one of us should stay here." Katara argues. "What if something happens? What if you need us?" 

"Suki and the Kyoshi Warriors will be here, and Mai. We'll be fine." Zuko tries to keep the anxiety from his voice. All he ever does is worry. 

"No way Sparky!" Toph interjects before Katara can argue again. "She's right, at least one of us should stay here." 

Sokka claps his hands together. "It's settled then! Toph and I will stay here and Aang and Katara will get Iroh!" He stands and walks over to Suki, clearly ending the conversation. 

Zuko tries to meet Katara's eyes but her gaze is fixed on her hands folded in her lap. Aang is beaming next to her. 

"You should get some rest before we leave, Katara." Aang urges. 

She shakes her head. "The sooner we leave the better, I can sleep on Appa." Katara stands and starts to roll up her bed. "Get Appa ready, I'll get some supplies." 

Zuko follows behind Katara as she stuffs a pack full of supplies, he's not really sure what to say to her. He doesn't speak until they're standing next to the bison. 

"Thank you." He says softly. 

She looks up at him, confused. "For what?" 

Zuko stumbles over his words. "If uncle can't hear the news from me, I'm glad he'll hear it from you." He reaches up to scratch the back of his neck. "He's very fond of you." 

Katara's lip pulls up in a small, wonky smile. "I'm fond of him too." She climbs into Appas saddle and looks back down to Zuko. "We'll be back in a few days. Be careful." 

"Appa! Yip, yip." 

Zuko watches until he can no longer see the bison against the glare of the sun. 

Azula knows all the good hiding places. She knows where the underground passages meet the tunnels of volcanic rock, she knows which ones lead safely to the city. 

Azula knows where the men will be waiting for her, where they scheme and cower waiting for the strong willed to tell them what to do. 

She has left the clue for the Watertribe girl, she’s set their game into play, now she needs the motivation, the girl needs a reason to play and what better reason than love?

A man who wears a familiar face bows as Azula enters the room, he reminds her of knives and cities across the sea. “Fire Lord Azula, welcome to The New Ozai Society. We are at your service.”

_ ‘Ready or not, here I come.’ _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would also like to thank everyone for their comments and kudos. It honestly made my day reading every comment that was left on the last chapter. Thank you so much!
> 
> \- Death  
> xx


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'There is a battle going on inside me  
> With me  
> For me  
> And because of me.'
> 
> \- amnadihanani (via Instagram)

Katara looks back. 

She watched the main land of the Fire Nation disappear hours ago but she can't help it, she looks back, pieces of her heart were left behind. 

"Everything will be okay, Katara." Aang calls over the wind, he's perched on Appas head, pushing the beast as fast as he can go.

Katara nods, she looks back again, everything aches and she knows she can't keep going like this. 

But she can't sleep. 

She can't face the horrors her mind has waiting for her.

Four days. Four days until they reach Ba Sing Se, another four until they're back in Caldera. A lot can happen in eight days, kingdoms can rise and fall in eight days.

It takes half a day for Aang to stop fussing over her and by nightfall the silence and tension thickens the air. She looks over at her best friend and wonders if this is what it will be like for the rest of their lives, unspoken words and unrequited feelings. 

Aang tells her to sleep. He tells her not to worry about their friends. They're together and they're safe, even if something happens they'll be okay. 

She knows he's right. 

~~~~

Katara dreams of the shadow of a man, tall and intimidating. 

She dreams of a young boy, his body shakes with fear as he cowers in the shadow. 

Katara dreams of flames, burnt skin and agony. 

Katara dreams of Zuko. 

She wakes with a gasp and sweat plastered to her skin, the fire of her dreams is everywhere. She looks over at Aang sleeping peacefully on Appas paw, his face nuzzled into the fur. A flash of white hot jealousy rushes through her as she wonders why he doesn’t wake, screaming in the middle of the night like she had done for months. She shakes away the thought as she stands and walks towards the calming presence of the ocean laying at the bottom of the cliff side they called home for the night, it crashes against the rocks and the smell fills her lungs, the fire starts to dim down. 

She looks out to where Caldera sits beyond the horizon and she wonders what Zuko would say if he was here. 

_ ‘Another bad dream?’  _ He would have woken up to the sound of her gulping in breaths, he probably would have already been awake. 

She would nod but not elaborate, it's easy to pretend things are okay when you don't vocalise them. But her eyes would linger on his scar and she would remember how Ozai’s dead face wore the same one and she would want to ask Zuko the question that's been screaming in her mind but she knows he wouldn't offer an answer. 

So instead she'd say:  _ 'I'm sorry about your father.'  _

He would shrug,  _ 'if anyone deserved to die, it was him.'  _ She would believe he wanted to mean it too. 

_ 'That's not what I meant.'  _ She pictures how his scar feels under her fingertips, soft and delicate, almost like it could rip open at any second.  _ 'I'm sorry he treated you the way he did.'  _ It all made sense now, Zuko so angry and broken, searching for acceptance from a man that shattered his soul into such small pieces he's still trying to put them back together. Azula who was twisted and beaten into something so dangerous and horrifying that even her mind turned against her. 

_ 'What kind of a father would do that?' _ She would ask, mostly to herself. 

_ 'No  _ father  _ at all.'  _ Zuko would hiss the title Ozai never deserved or earnt.

No father at all. 

The moon hangs high in the sky, not quite full but still powerful, it pulls at her bending, her bones itching under her skin. Katara needs to bend, she needs to feel the movement of water under her fingers. She looks out into the ocean, it calls her name but Katara turns and heads into the wooded area behind her. She seeks water, but not from the ocean. 

~~~~

Zuko sits by the turtle-duck pond, he hates how everything has seemingly gone back to normal, he hates how he can't be out looking for his sister with his friends. 

Sokka had been right though, as usual.  _ 'You're the  _ Fire Lord  _ now, buddy. You've got responsibilities and you need to keep rebuilding the nations. If Azula pops up we'll get her!'  _ He shoved his boomerang in Zuko's face before yelling,  _ 'whack-a-pow!'  _

Toph had insisted on being at his side every waking minute and somehow that extended to Sokka when he wasn't out looking for Azula with Suki and the other Kyoshi Warriors.

"We haven't found a thing!" Sokka was complaining. "No one saw her actually leave the prison and no one has seen her since! How is that even possible?" 

"No offence, Sparky, but I honestly thought your crazy sister would be running around attacking people." Toph sounded disappointed. 

Zuko agreed though, he had half expected Azula to burn the city to the ground in a fit of madness, the fact that no one had seen or heard from her was worrying. 

"Have you checked the tunnels under the palace?" Toph asked, pushing her fingers into the ground. 

Zuko just nods. 

“The tunnels  _ in  _ the palace?” Toph continues. 

“I’ve checked everywhere.” Zuko snaps. It was true, he had looked everywhere he could think of, he had looked down every dark passageway he knew of. He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, there were so many things that required his attention now, there was a whole nation of people who needed him. “I don’t have time for this.” He whispers mostly to himself. 

Sokka claps him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ve got your back. What can we do to help?”

_ Can you stop the riots in the Fire Nation colonies? _

_ Can you find jobs for the hundreds of soldiers no longer fighting a war? _

_ Can you feed hungry and help the sick and injured? _

“Have you seen Mai?” Zuko asks instead. He hasn’t been allowed to leave the palace and Mai hasn’t come to see him. 

“She was out searching the city with us today, she’s fine.” Sokka assures him. “She’s been showing me how to throw knives actually!” His face lights up with excitement. 

Zuko's mouth pulls up into a small smile, he wants to ask Sokka if he knows why Mai hasn’t come to visit him but when Toph abruptly stands he thinks he’s about to get his answer. 

"Come on Sokka, let's go over there." She points to the corner of the garden. 

Sokka yawns and leans back, supporting his body with his elbows. "I'm good here." 

Toph grabs the back collar of his shirt and yanks him along the ground, bending the earth beneath him to help her. "What is with you boys and being totally oblivious?!" 

Mai appears on the other side of the pond, she stops and holds Zuko's gaze for a while before she sighs and comes around to sit beside him. 

"Why didn't you tell me about Ozai?" She asks softly. She looks down at her hands, her face composed in its perfect expressionless masks. 

_ 'I asked if you were cold, I didn't ask for your whole life story.'  _

The truth was Zuko didn’t tell Mai much these days, it just seemed easier that way, he wouldn’t get upset at her lack of empathy and she wouldn’t get mad at him for blowing up at her. 

He shrugs, hoping that would be a sufficient answer. 

It isn’t.

Something flickers across Mai's face - anger, Zuko thinks but it's gone before he can be sure. "I know someone tried to assassinate you a few weeks ago."

Zuko's eyes widened, only very few people knew about what happened, he didn't want everyone to worry about him. "Where did you hear that?" 

"Does it matter? Not from you." Her eyes blaze as she looks at Zuko. 

"I know I keep screwing up," he whispers, he doesn't know why, he can't seem to stop letting people down. "But I… I love you Mai." The words taste wrong on his tongue but he means them, doesn't he?

"I know." She sighs. "But lately I've realised that you love your secrets more." 

His heart drops, he never wanted to make Mai feel like she’s in the dark. He just wanted to keep her out of the darkness that surrounded his life. "What are you saying?" Zuko asks softly. 

Mai shrugs. "I don't know, Zuko. Let's just figure this out later, I can't think straight knowing Azula is out there." She confesses. 

Zuko reaches out and takes her hand, it's warm and slender, covered in tiny scars from years of training. "I won't let anything happen to you." 

Azula listens but doesn’t speak, she's learnt it's how you survive in war meetings. Don't speak unless spoken to. 

The men strategize and argue, their plan will suffice, not that she'll be there at the end, Azula has other plans. 

She needs them to do what angry men will do, she needs them to fight a pointless fight, she needs the distraction.

A voice floats through Azula's thoughts, it's bitter and tense, making her fingers curl into her palms. "How does our plan of attack sound, Fire Lord?" 

Azula looks to her right, she half expects her father to be sitting next to her, back straight, face giving nothing away. 

A scoff forces her to remember where she was, what she has done. "Forgive me Ukano, but why are we taking orders from a  _ child?  _ Princess Azula isn't exactly the leader she used to be." 

Azula looks at the man who had spoken, he looks weathered, not fit for battle at all. 

He squirms under her gaze but doesn't back down. "Tell me, how did you manage to cause such an uproar at the prison but couldn't even be bothered to free your father - our King - from his cell?" 

She feels heat shoot through her body, but Azula is calm and poised just like her father. 

_ They don't know.  _

_ They don't know what you did.  _

Her mother whispers in her ears. Azula digs her nails into her skin, blood seeps down her fingers. Her sanity is fleeting. 

But weak men only respond to power and the man with a traitor for a daughter is quick to jump to her defence. " _ Fire Lord  _ Azula doesn't have to explain herself. Our men within the prison told me she was kept deep within the underground cells, while King Ozai was kept at the top. Even if she managed to make it to his cell they would not have been able to make it out. The Avatar," he spits the title as if it's poison. "Made sure to strip Ozai of all his strength. Which is why we will be taking the prison as well as the palace. Once Ozai is free we can un-do the distribution Zuko has caused." 

Azula keeps her eye on the old man that spoke out against her, she wonders if she should kill him and be done with it but she feels her mothers disapproving stare burn holes in her back and she decides against it. 

Instead she stands and pushes her way through the door and out into the night, she doesn't turn when she hears the whispered calls behind her. 

Azula doesn't get caught, this is her favourite game and she always wins. 

Azula knows all the good hiding places. She knows where the secret tunnels open up into the small cove hidden between rocks and sea, she knows where the boat sits nestled out of sight, big enough for her family, small enough not to be questioned. 

The metal of the deck is cool and smooth against her uncovered feet, only the sound of water lapping against the hull fills the air. 

Azula wonders if this is where her dreams will die. Azula wonders if the boat still holds the comforts it used to, when Zuzu was gone and only she had to answer her fathers call. 

Katara and Aang reach Ba Sing Se at the end of the third day, Appa manages to reach Iroh's tea shop before collapsing in an exhausted heap on the ground. 

Katara doesn’t wait, she launches herself from the saddle and starts towards the entrance to the shop. 

“Look after Appa! I’ll talk to Iroh. We need to leave as soon as possible!” She calls over her shoulder to Aang as she disappears inside. 

She feels at ease the moment her lungs fill with the many scents of Iroh’s tea, it tickles her nostrils and reminds her of the first time Zuko had made tea at the Western Air Temple, it had been horrible.

“Master Katara!” Iroh’s voice floats through the chatter of the busy shop and despite herself, Katara smiles. 

“Iroh.” She greets him with a bow before he pulls her into a warm hug. 

“What a pleasant surprise, what brings you back to Ba Sing Se?” He frowns as he takes in her face.

Katara feels tears pool in her eyes and she looks down at her feet to compose herself. “Maybe we should go somewhere more private to talk?” Her voice is soft.

Iroh nods and leads her to the back of the shop, he gestures her to walk through a door and into a small sitting room. A pai sho board is set up on the table, the game still going on. “Has something happened to my nephew?” Iroh asks the moment the door slides closed. 

“No,” Katara says quickly. “Zuko is fine.” She paces the room, she’s unsure how to start. Would Iroh be sad his brother was dead? The Fire Nation royal family was a puzzle she hadn’t quite figured out. “I’m here because,” She pauses, Iroh has taken a seat and she follows suit, sitting across from him. “You’re brother has passed.” Her voice is barely a whisper. 

Iroh nods, he doesn’t look up as he speaks. “Ozai did a lot of horrible things in his pursuit for power, unforgivable things, but he was still my brother and I have lost too many family members, I am too old to keep outliving them.” His voice is filled with sorrow.

“I’m sorry.” Katara says because she doesn’t know what else to say. 

Iroh looks up at her with a sad smile. “How did my nephew take the news?” 

Katara remembers how Zuko had held himself together, how he had let Fire Lord Zuko take over and had shut everything else out. She remembers the look on his face when he had seen his fathers body - burnt and disfigured. Katara remembers the look of sheer relief on Zuko’s face as he tried to hold himself together, a lifetime of trying to win his fathers love was over. 

“He, uh-” She doesn’t really know where to start. “There hasn’t been much time to mourn. Azula escaped the prison the same night.” She confesses. 

Iroh’s eyes widened slightly. “We must head back as soon as possible. I will make preparations. I’m assuming you didn’t come alone?”

Katara shakes her head. “Aang is with me, we came on Appa.”

“Well then, we must let Appa rest. We can leave first thing tomorrow.”

The anxiety in Katara roars back to life when she thinks of spending another night away from everyone, but she knows Appa needs to rest and she knows she needs to sleep. 

Aang is waiting for them in the front of the tea shop, he bows low to Iroh and offers his condolences. 

“I will meet you at my apartment once I’m finished up here.” Iroh says with a small smile. “The two of you look like you need some rest.” His eyes land on Katara and she feels the weight of the past week push down hard on her shoulders. 

“We’ll wait for you.” She says shakily. 

Aang’s fingers brush her own and he slides his hand into hers. “Come on Katara, Iroh’s right. I’m exhausted.” 

She looks at the young monk, bags dark under his eyes. After everything, after how much she has watched him grow, she still feels the need to look after him. Katara nods and they walk in silence to Iroh’s apartment. They fall asleep tucked together in a corner, Katara pulls her fingers gently from Aang’s as she lets sleep wash over her. 

Katara wakes with a start, the Earth Kingdom night is cooler than the Fire Nation's but she's still drenched in sweat. 

Ozai’s fire has replaced Azula's lightning, but the screams are still her own. 

Katara stares at the ceiling, willing herself to go back to sleep but the fire from Ozai’s hand flickers behind her eyelids and she feels herself slowly breaking. 

She's out the door and into the night air, gulping in breaths as she paces the small balcony of Iroh’s apartment. She reaches out to the small cluster of plants sitting by the door, she can feel the water flowing inside them, she stops herself before she yanks the life out of them. 

"Master Katara?" Iroh's soft voice breaks her panic. "Is everything alright?" He's holding a steaming pot of tea, his hands slightly glowing as he keeps the water warm. 

"I uh-" Katara stutters. "I'm not really sure." 

Iroh smiles softly. "I was just making myself a cup of tea. Camomile, I think. Would you care for a cup?" 

Katara nods. 

Iroh sits and gestures for Katara to do the same, he hands her a cup before asking, “what is it that has you up at this hour, Mater Katara?”

She squeezes her eyes shut. “I just can’t sleep.” She mutters. “No matter how hard I try, I just can’t sleep.”

Iroh nods in understanding. “You have suffered many traumatic events, you were fighting in a war you had no business fighting. You have watched people die and you had to save the lives of people you love. The things you have fought through leave scars, they take time to heal, you must be patient with yourself.” He reaches out and places a hand on Katara’s knee. “But you must unburden yourself. You should speak to someone about your struggles.” He smiles. “I am known to offer words of wisdom, they might not always make sense, but they are wisdom nonetheless.”

Katara chuckles. “They always made sense to me.”

Iroh laughs. “Perhaps you can explain them to my nephew for me.”

Katara thinks of Zuko, how he was when she first met him, all anger and scars. She looks down at the cup in her hands. “Zuko’s face…” She says softly. “Ozai did that to him, didn’t he? He was the one that burnt him?” 

“One of my many regrets,” Iroh confesses. “I was there, I turned away, but I should have stopped it. I was worried what Ozai would do to Zuko if I did, he is -  _ was _ \- a very powerful man. Bender or not, my brother was someone to fear.”

“Is that why you went with Zuko when he was banished?” She asks. 

“My son, Lu Ten, died in the battle at Ba Sing Se’s outer wall, he is the reason I abandoned my siege. I went back to the Fire Nation with the intention of trying to convince my father to end the war and bring balance back to the world.” Iroh signs. “He had passed before I returned and when I found out Ozai had been named his successor in my place and Ursa had disappeared from the palace I knew something terrible had happened. I knew I had to stay and protect Zuko and Azula from their father.” He places his face in his hands.

“I think-” Katara starts, “I think Azula killed Ozai.” 

Iroh’s head snaps up to look at Katara, his eyes full of sorrow, tears threatening to fall. “What makes you say that?”

“Ozai’s face, it was burnt like Zuko’s. Only worse. Azula is missing and no one has seen her.” Katara looks out over Ba Sing Se. “I’ve been visiting her. I thought seeing her would put my mind at ease, but there’s just  _ something  _ about her. She feels more dangerous than ever. She lives somewhere between reality and madness. As awful as it sounds, I want to  _ help  _ her. I want to protect her.”

“That is who you are, Katara. Despite all your hardship you still put other people before yourself." He smiles at her again. "That is why I was glad when Zuko found you. I believe you and your friends were exactly what he needed to grow into the man he was destined to be." 

"I'm glad he found us too." She whispers. 

Katara and Iroh watch the sunrise over Ba Sing Se, they leave for the Fire Nation before it settles itself high in the sky. 

Four days. 

Four days until they reach Caldera. A lot can happen in four days. Rebellions can rise and strike in four days. 

Azula dreams of the moon suffocating the sun. 

She dreams of running, laughing and chasing. She dreams of plans well set out and executed. 

She dreams of her father angry and betrayed, her brother missing and wanted. She dreams of a note left for a raven haired girl that isn't her and an explanation that she never gets.

Azula dreams of the worst day of her life. 

She wakes with her face pushed against the cool metal floor, tears seeping from her eyes and a pain in her chest she can't figure out. 

The sun has risen and set twice, she has raged fire into the sky and today is the day. 

Azula looks down the tunnel that leads her to her destination, she starts off into the darkness before her madness crawls it's way back into her mind. She's been hanging onto sanity for days and even she knows it won't last long. 

_ 'When the sun is highest in the sky we will strike!'  _

Azula pulls a small ball of flame to her palm, it barely lights her way. 

_ ‘There is a meeting with the Earth Kingdom ambassadors, I will be in attendance.’ _

Azula begins to run, she walked this path many times and she knows the way.

_ ‘Our men on the inside will let the rest of you in the palace walls, you must be in position and ready to strike at exactly midday.’  _

Giddiness grows inside her, it’s been a long time since she’s played games. She wonders about the look on Zuzu’s face when he sees her. 

_ ‘My source tells me that the Earth Bender, the Watertribe boy and the Kyoshi warriors are still within the palace. However the Avatar and the Waterbender left just under a week ago. No doubt going to fetch Iroh from Ba Sing Se. That gives us at least another two days to make sure we have the palace secured before they return.’ _

The Waterbender not being in the palace was something Azula didn’t plan on, she had hoped she wouldn’t leave Zuzu's side. But her not being here will make for an interesting game and offers Azula a head start.

_ ‘We must eliminate Zuko before that time and ensure Azula is in her rightful place before Iroh returns. By then the prison should also be secure and Phoenix King Ozai will be free.’ _

Azula reaches the end of the tunnel, a small hole meant only for Fire Benders sits to her right, offering the way into the palace. 

_ ‘Azula, you will be the one to strike the final blow. Remember, the Earth Bender will be able to sense you, you must be quick and not hesitate. If we strike together at once we should be able to overwhelm them.’  _

The door opens with a quiet groan, it hasn’t been used in a while. The room is exactly like she remembers it, another door sealed off and left untouched, Zuzu probably too scared to even think about walking into it. Azula draws in a deep breath, her fathers scent still lingers on the sheets and clothes left dormant in the room. The royal suite, the entrance to the tunnel hidden behind a bookshelf, an escape route should anyone ever try to take out the Royal Family while the rest of the city sleeps. She wonders if Zuzu remembers the tunnels, they were only children when Ozai first showed them the way to the boat. 

But Azula remembers, she never forgets the way out. 

~~~~

Zuko stands outside the throne room, he tugs at his robes and itches the back of his neck, he hates wearing this stuff, he looks too much like his father. 

“All clear in there, Sparky. No one lurking in the corners, only the humming heart beats of men who lie their asses off. Nothing new!” Toph is standing outside the door, she had insisted on checking the room before he entered. 

“Thanks, Toph.” Zuko reaches out and squeezes her shoulder. “You don’t have to come in, I know how bored you get.”

She yawns and sits down, crossing her legs in front of her and leans back against the wall. “I appreciate that! But I will just wait out here in case anything happens. I haven’t picked my toes in a few days so I have lots to do!” She grins. “Sokka and Suki are doing the rounds of the palace. Don’t you worry! We’ve got you covered.” 

Zuko smiles down at his friend, before taking a deep breath and pushing open the doors. He looks briefly around the edges of the room as he walks towards the throne, the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors are positioned, fans at the ready, Ty Lee waves as he walks past her. 

He doesn’t bother to light the fire that separates him from the ambassadors. He watches as they bow slowly when he takes a seat, his eyes linger on Mai’s father in the back, their eyes meet as he rights himself. 

“Welcome,” Zuko starts loudly, clearly, giving off the confidence he wishes he possessed. “Please be seated, let’s begin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are again. The real business is about to begin! I have a tendency to write very long chapters so I'm trying to cut them down and post more chapters rather than long ones haha 
> 
> Anyways! Thank you so much for the comments and kudos on the last chapter, it really warmed my soul. I appreciate you all. Thank you so much for reading. 
> 
> \- Death  
> xx


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to apologize for taking soooooo long with this chapter. The last few weeks have been filled with extreme highs followed by extreme lows and unfortunately the lows have been hard to bounce back from and honestly I haven't had the motivation or desire to write and if you sense that while reading I'm sorry. 
> 
> I'm starting to get in a better head space and my creativity and desire to write is coming back! So hopefully you won't have to wait ages for another chapter.
> 
> For those of you who are still here and have stuck around, thank you so much. As much I would like to think I write for my own enjoyment it is so amazing and heart warming when someone enjoys what you have put work into. I appreciate you all so much. 
> 
> So here we go, chapter seven.

_ 'And life went on. It was not the same, but it went on.' _

\- David Jones.

@storydj

Toph dreams about the darkness she's lived in her whole life. 

She dreams about the earth under her feet, her connection to the world. 

Toph dreams about cool fingers wrapped tightly around hers. 

She dreams about her world sliding from beneath her. She dreams about dangling in the air and goodbyes that aren't really goodbyes. 

Toph dreams about the icy anchor that keeps her from falling. 

Toph dreams about Sokka. 

She wakes encased in dirt and rubble. It's not the first time she's buried herself in her sleep, she feels safer that way, able to see with every nerve ending in her body. She stopped apologizing to Zuko about ruining the floor weeks ago. 

_'Don't worry about it, Toph. It's just a floor.'_

She feels like she's been worrying about Zuko the moment he joined their little family, his heart rate jumped and raced at raised voices and she could feel his body react when he got embarrassed or put himself in an awkward situation - which was all the time. Coming back to the palace she had expected him to be worse, going back to the walls that held all his pain and suffering couldn't have been easy, but Zuko was good at hiding things. 

Toph had woken in the middle of the night just hours after she had arrived with the rest of the group, she'd sensed the sky rocketing heart of someone terrified a few rooms away. She realised after climbing out of her makeshift bed on the floor and investigating that it was Zuko. 

Of course he was having nightmares. 

A few nights later when her dreams had left her buried in a grave of her own making, gasping for air, she had rushed out to the nearest body of soft earth she could find, the turtle duck garden. 

Only she wasn't alone. 

Toph hid in the darkness of the trees not wanting to disturbed Katara as she dealt with her own monsters. Instead they breathed and relaxed together in their own separate corners of the garden, her, Katara and Zuko - he was crouched behind a pillar on the other side of the garden. 

And that's how it stayed, the three of them sneaking around each other in the middle of the night, not wanting to burden anyone with the struggles of their dreams. Toph found it oddly comforting that she was never truly alone even if the others had no idea she was there. 

Then the night everything started to fall apart she noticed her two friends sitting together by the pond. She felt their hearts before she felt their presence, they were beating fast but not from the fear of whatever nightmares woke them but from anticipation, from tension. 

That was the first piece of the puzzle Toph had found. She couldn't quite figure out why Katara had been avoiding Aang after they visited Uncle in Ba Sing Se but now it was starting to make sense, Toph had felt that same rhythm of heartbeat before. 

On Ember Island. 

When Zuko and Katara thought they were alone. 

Toph watched them leave the garden, their hands wrapped tightly around each others, she wanted so badly to jump out and laugh and tease them but she thought about the screams she had heard coming from Zuko's room, she thought about how Katara's eyes sank further into her skin with every passing night, she decided that if this was how her friends were going to cope with the aftermath of a war she was going to let them. 

Which is why she hadn't left Zuko's side since the moment Katara and Aang flew away, if Katara wasn't here to hold Zuko together she sure as hell was going to try. 

"You don't have to do this, Toph." Zuko all but mutters quickly as they walk towards the throne room. 

She snorts. "Yes I do, if anything happens to you while Katara is gone she _will_ kill us all." Toph smiles when she feels Zuko's heart race a couple of beats. 

He clears his throat. "You don't have to follow me everywhere." He counters. 

"I don't follow you everywhere," she says, stopping in front of the door. "Now, stay. I have to check out the room before you enter." She points two fingers to her eyes and whips them back to Zuko. 

She can't see him smile and roll his eyes but she knows he does it. 

Ty Lee and a few other Kyoshi Warriors stand to attention along the walls of the room, the ambassadors and council sit along the table in the middle of the room, Toph can feel each of their heartbeats as she passes them, she stops once she's standing at the stairs leading up to Zuko's throne. 

Ty Lee smiles and bounds over to Toph. "Everything's all clear here!" She exclaims. 

Toph curls her toes into the cool tiled floor, she tries hard not to crack them but she can never see clearly when she's not standing on solid earth. She concentrates on the bodies in the room, honing in on their heart beats, when she's satisfied she can feel them clearly enough she concentrates on the passageway hidden in the wall. No matter what Zuko says Toph _knows_ there are tunnels even he doesn't know about, but as far as she can tell, they're clear too. 

Toph tries to look intimidating as she returns to Zuko, she may be young but she would defend Zuko until her last breath. They exchange a few words before Zuko enters the room and the meeting begins. 

Toph settles herself on the floor, one foot planted firmly on the ground and the other kicked up over her knee so she can pick at her toes. She listens to the heartbeats of the men in the room and makes a note to tell Zuko that most of them are lies through and through. 

Sokka arrives a few hours later and Toph flicks a dried piece of dirt at him in welcome. 

"Ugh! Was that toe dirt?!" Sokka exclaims, dramatically brushing himself off. 

Toph grins. "Only the best for you!" 

"What's going on in there? Any suspicious activity?" He asks, pressing his ear to the door. 

"No, just a lot of scared old men not saying what they really think." Toph scoffs. "Can you hear anything?" 

Sokka sighs. "The door's too thick." He turns to look at Toph. "What do you think Azula is up to?" 

Toph shrugs. "She's crazy! She's probably out in the woods torturing animals or something."

Something catches Toph's attention, movement, a heart beat, it's as though someone appeared out of thin air. 

"Sokka," She's sinking her toes into the tiled floor, caving them inwards. "I think there's someone-" 

Toph is cut off by a loud explosion, chaos ripples through the palace, cries and yells echo down the halls. 

She jumps to her feet, footsteps are vibrating through her body and she knows they're in trouble. Toph calls out to Sokka, warning him of the incoming attack but something pinches at her neck and suddenly she’s thrown into darkness. 

"Sokka!" She cries, her voice breaking as she hits the floor. "Sokka, I can't see! I can't-" she sobs. The sound of Sokka's body hitting the floor next to her causes her to cry out again. 

“It’s okay Toph! It’s okay.” Sokka calls out, he tries to keep his voice steady but she can hear the fear waving through. “It’s just shirshu venom, it’ll wear off. Just listen to my voice, it’s okay!” 

Toph can hear yelling, crashing and fighting all around her, she’s never felt so helpless in her life. 

“Sokka, we have to help Zuko!” She yells, trying to move her arms. It’s no use. 

“He’ll be okay!” Sokka calls back. 

Toph hears Suki’s breathless voice as she runs towards the pair. She can make out the grunting of fighting and hear the whips of Suki’s fans as she takes down whoever is in the hallway. She hears Sokka warn Suki about the venom and the reply that she’ll be careful. 

“Zuko!” Toph cries out in the direction of Suki’s voice. She can hear the door being slammed open behind her, the sounds of fighting don’t flow from the room like she expected, only the yelling and commands from the Kyoshi Warriors. “What’s going on?” She yells. “Zuko!” She calls out to her friend, there is no answer. “ZUKO!” Her voice is hoarse with effort. 

“He’s not in there, Toph.” Suki’s voice is calm and soft by her head. She imagines the girl touching her softly but she can’t feel it. 

Azula stands in the throne room, it’s cold and dark. She reaches down and touches the stale line of oil that cuts the throne off from the rest of the room, Zuzu hasn’t been lighting it. 

“You would be so disappointed, Father.” She muses quietly to the empty room. “Little Zuzu wants to be ‘one’ with the commoners.” She laughs and shakes her head. “Weak. Just like you always said he would be.”

Azula sees her mother in her peripheral, she’s been there for days. But Azula can’t seem to look at her head on, every time she tries her mother moves swiftly just out of range, it’s driving Azula mad. 

“Go away.” She mutters, her eyes shifted as far over to the left as they can, the blur slightly with effort. 

Her mother says nothing in return, she just watches. Azula knows she’s judging her, she can _feel_ it. 

The sound of the doors unlocking pulls Azula back to her task. She moves without a sound back into the tunnel she came from and pulls the door closed just as the sound of voices wave through the room. 

She looks up to the rafters holding the roof up and smiles, she knows the blind Earthbender will be with her brother and she has come to realise the girl uses her bending as a connection to the world, she uses it to see. Azula jumps and reaches for the rafters, pulling herself up and off the ground, disconnecting herself from the girl. 

Azula waits. 

She grows impatient, waiting longer than she cares to. She lowers her feet softly on the ground, she's hoping the Earthbender is distracted, she only has moments before the girl realises she's in the room. 

An explosion rings through the air and seconds later the palace shakes with aftermath. Azula pushes her way through the door, she's standing at Zuko's right hand side before he can even get up from his seat. 

"Hello, brother." She smiles as Zuko looks up at her, his eyes wide with fear and confusion. "Time to go."

Azula flicks a hand upwards and brings a wall of blue fire with it, cutting herself and Zuko off from the rest of the room. She can hear someone calling Zuko's name as she turns and runs towards the tunnel she came from. 

Zuko finds his voice. "Azula!" He calls after her, she doesn't need to look back to know he's following her. "Azula, come back here!" 

She smiles and picks up the pace, she cracks the door open leading to her Fathers room open, she looks carefully through the small opening, when she's satisfied no one is inside she pushes her way through. The room remains mostly untouched by the Society, they would want Ozai’s room exactly the way it was left ready for his return. 

Azula counted on that. 

She looks back as Zuko stumbles into the room, he looks around slowly, he's clearly avoided this area of the palace for some time. 

"You better keep up brother! It took me days to find my way through the labyrinth the first time, you might not be so lucky." Azula calls as she moves to the next passageway.

Fire whizzes past her head, the heat tickling her ear. She whirls around, her fists alight. Zuko is standing in the middle of the room, his face red with rage. 

"You attacked the palace?!" He roars, it brings the smile back to Azula's face. 

She shrugs. "It was necessary, I'm afraid."

They don't have time for this, the New Ozai Society will know by now Father is gone and they'll be coming after her. She doesn't bother waiting for Zuko's reply as she turns and continues down the dark tunnel. 

"Where are you going?!" He demands, his footsteps following her deeper into the earth. 

" _We_ are getting out of here." Azula replies, she can feel the heat from the volcanic rock beneath start to dissipate as they get closer to the sea.

"Take me back." Zuko demands, but he still follows his sister. "I need to go back." 

"There's nothing to go back to." Azula simply says, she can feel the fingers of her madness slowly dig into her mind, she's been holding on to reality for far too long. She stops mid step and squeezes her eyes shut. She can feel a hand clasp onto her shoulder, there's no weight to it, no pressure. Azula knows the hand belongs to her mother. 

_You're not real, you're not real, you're not real._

Zuko lets out an exasperated groan. "Nothing to go back to? Azula, I'm the _Fire Lord_. I have a nation to look after. I… I have-" He struggles to find the words. Azula can picture the way he grips on to the back of his neck when he gets frustrated. 

Fire Lord Zuko. 

_Fire Lord_ Zuko. 

Heat rushes through Azula's body, she can feel her fingers tremble with rage. She turns her head to look back at her brother. 

"Yes," she hisses. "You are." 

Azula spins around, throwing fire towards Zuko. She attacks with the force and fury she had always held before her mind turned against, she feels powerful again. 

Zuko lets out a roar, engaging in battle. They rush through the tunnel throwing fire at each other, Azula aims to provoke, she knows Zuko would never walk away from a fight. 

When the salt in the air presses against her skin she turns and runs towards the light of the opening. She can hear Zuko screaming her name as he follows, the heat from his attacks grazing her back as she runs. 

Azula powers through the opening and onto the rocky shore, she breathes in the air and whirls around to anticipate Zuko following her, what she doesn't anticipate is a figure standing pressed against the rock face next to the tunnel. 

She opens her mouth to warn Zuko but she's too late, the moment he runs into the clearing the figure fires a dart from the pipe pressed to his lips, Zuko's eyes widen before he falls to the ground paralysed. 

"That was far too easy." The figure muses as he nudges Zuko's body with his foot. He turns his attention to Azula, he wears a face she recognises but can't place. 

She feels electricity hum in her veins. 

"Two traitors, it must be my lucky day." He holds his hand up as Azula moves into position to ignite the man. "I wouldn't do that if I were you." His teeth gleam in a wicked smile. "I had wondered why the guards were kept off the top floor of the prison after your escape," the man kneels on Zuko's back, his fingers lacing into her brother's hair. 

"Ozai’s been dead the entire time, hasn't he _Princess?_ " He spits, yanking Zuko's head up. Eyes that haunt her dreams plead for help. "I told Ukano you weren't to be trusted. You're not the Azula who conquered Ba Sin Se, you're not the Azula that could bring glory to the Fire Nation again!" A large knife is at Zuko's throat, a small streak of blood slips into the collar of his robes. 

"You're nothing." The man hisses. 

Azula watches, she wonders what it will feel like to watch her brother die. She had always assumed it would be at her hands. She wonders if the Watertribe girl would still come after her if she cannot offer her brother's life. 

She doesn't have time to make a decision, a whirl of pink dashes behind the man holding Zuko and suddenly he's a heap on the floor. 

A girl with grey eyes and paralysing fingers stands frozen behind the mass of men, her face replaying a memory Azula would much rather forget. 

"Zuko!" Ty Lee cries, rolling him over to face her. "Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine." He replies. "I think the feeling in my body is slowly coming back." He coughs roughly. "Ty Lee, I need to get back to the palace." 

A growl rips through Azula's body. "No." 

The pair look at her. 

Azula stalks toward them, blue fire burning from her fingertips. "Right now The Ozai Society is carrying out simultaneous coups in all major Fire Nation cities, once they realise Ozai is dead it will turn into an all out riot, a civil war, winner takes all. We need to get out of here, we have somewhere we need to be and _Fire Lord Zuko_ is safer with me."

"I have to go back, Azula, I need to help our nation." Zuko croaks, she can see the venom is wearing off, she doesn't have much time. 

"You'll die." 

"Like you aren't planning on killing me!" He spits back. 

"I'm mulling it over!" She cries. 

Ty Lee clears her throat before speaking. "She's right, Zuko." She says quietly. "I had a feeling she would bring you here, I couldn't find my way through the tunnels so I had to go through the city, there's fighting in the streets. It's mayhem." 

Zuko slowly sits himself up. "What about the others?" He almost whispers. 

Ty Lee's eyes glisten with held in tears. "Toph and Sokka got hit with the same darts you did, Suki was with them and she told me to find you so I left. I didn't see Aang and Katara anywhere so I'm assuming they haven't gotten back yet." She looks down at her hands nestled in her lap. "I didn't have time to look for Mai." She says softly. 

Azula barks out a short laugh, Zuzu's even more of an idiot than she thought if he thinks Mai would be in trouble. Deep down he _knows_ Mai's father was behind the attack. 

"We need to go." Azula says, turning towards the boat. 

She's on the deck and heading for the engine room before Zuko and Ty Lee move from their spot. 

"We're going to Ba Sing Se, Azula." Zuko calls after her. "The others will know that's where I would go. It'd be the first place they look if they don't spot us from the air." 

Azula rolls her eyes in response. She doesn't like this plan, she doesn't like the girl with the grey eyes, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. 

Zuko dreams of tiny hands holding tightly to his fingers. 

He dreams of golden eyes shining brightly with laughter. 

Zuko dreams of running, chasing and hiding. He dreams of warm afternoons in the gardens. 

Zuko dreams of his baby sister. 

He wakes covered in a cold sweat, his fingers twisted tightly in blankets that scratch against his skin. Somehow they managed to make it away from Caldera and into the safety of the ocean, the waves rocked him to sleep. 

He aches to smell the sea and feel the wind on his face. His feet touch the cold floor as he swings himself out of the bunk he felt safe enough to sleep in with his sister roaming the halls. Ty Lee snores lightly from the bunk above him, he pulls the door closed behind him, making sure to lock it before making his way to the deck. 

A cool breeze ruffles through his hair and he thinks of the blue eyed Waterbender who no doubt would stretch her arms out to the water and find comfort in the waves. 

He doesn't expect to see his sister pacing the length of the ship. Indistinguishable muttering floats through the air as Zuko watches Azula. He hadn't realised how skinny she'd gotten, her slim figure was now nothing more than bones. The jagged haircut she'd given herself had grown out and was hanging around her face, her nails were caked in dirt and she was and she was still wearing her prison robes. She looked nothing like the Azula Zuko dreamt about, powerful and deadly. 

Azula's head snapped up, her eyes are wild and a light sheen of sweat makes her hair stick to her face. 

"Zuzu," She's breathless as she rushes towards him. "We need to find mother." 

Her tiny hands are gripping the front of his shirt, pulling him down to her eye level. “You said you didn’t know where she was.” Zuko is sick of playing this game. 

“We’ll find her!” She cries. “We need to find her, we can’t go back without her.” 

Zuko sighs. “We’re going to Ba Sing Se, Azula. I have to fix this, I have to do something.” 

Azula lets him go, her eyes glaze over as she looks out into the night. “There’s nothing left.” She whispers. “What’s left Zuzu?”

Zuko doesn’t know. He loves his nation but the palace was never a home, he was branded a coward at the age of 13, no matter how hard he tried people still saw him as one. What did he have left? A nation built of hatred and cruelty? 

No. The Fire Nation would be better than that, he could undo 100 years of war, he could help the world heal. He could do it because he had people who loved him, who helped him, who wanted him to succeed as much as he did. 

“My friends.” Zuko answers finally. 

A small humourless smile plays on Azula’s lips. “But they will leave and all you’ll have left is me. We need to find her Zuzu.”

Zuko watches his sister as she looks off into some space he can’t see, she’s in her own head and he’s far away. “Why do you care?” He asks.

She looks at him, it takes a moment before she’s really there. “Because, I want to know.” 

“Know what?” His voice is almost a whisper.

Azula says like it's the most obvious answer. “Why she never came back for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)
> 
> \- Death.


End file.
